Cancer ruined a part of me…

 

  

 

Not a cancer of my body, but the cancer that invaded my innocent little baby’s body.  It ruined me from being able to always show appropriate sympathy to my other kids.  It took my compassion for the little bumps and bruises that cause tears, replacing it with a ‘time to suck it up’ attitude.  My mama heart wants to be a comfort to you.  I want to dry your tears, yet my brain screams, “Stop crying, it’s not that bad! Think what your sister went through”. 

 

I never want to compare your precious life to your sister’s short but painful journey.  You are all such unique individuals who face different kinds of challenges.  She faced her cancer battle and all the treatments with brave tears.  She would yell, “I’m not gonna kick, but I’m gonna scream!” –and she did.  She fought for her earthly life, but eventually gained her eternal life in heaven with Jesus.

 

You, however, have also done hard things in your short life.  You sat beside your sister’s bed as she took her last breath.  You have faced death head on. You know more truth about cancer, death, and grief than many grown adults.  You cry tears from a broken heart, but you also bravely wipe them away as you choose to remember the good times you had together.  You fight for life daily—a life of normal.  A life that we had before all the sorrow and sadness invaded our home. 

 

Cancer also ruined my ability to discern the little things from the big issues.  It causes me to second guess each fever or sniffle or dark circle under your eye as a sign that you too might be sick.  I try to be brave—as brave as your sister was… as brave as you are.   Some days I am, but other days the tears course down my cheeks, my patience runs low, I carry a knot in my stomach, and I wish to retreat from the world.  On those days (-today-) my heart aches to realize that because cancer is still affecting me, it in turn is still affecting you. 

 

You --my precious child who I wish to be so strong for. 

You --the one I want to kiss every boo-boo and bandage every scrape. 

You --who I want to gather you in a healing hug and remind you that we WILL be OKAY because cancer cannot destroy our family. Together, we will continue to fight this enemy and to reclaim our lives.

You --each one of YOU.  I want you to remember that your mama loved you ever so much.  She prayed for you every day.  She kept on moving and kept on being okay because of YOU. 

You -- my child who is so incredibly LOVED…

Blessings sweet friends…

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

#AGrievingMama

 

𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆

Our family’s little farmhouse has seen so much life over the years.  It’s not new, not freshly decorated, not spotless, but it is ours.  When we bought it 16 years ago it was in sore need of some TLC.  It had seen sorry and in turn sat through neglect.  We spent 9 long months gutting it out and just like birthing a baby, those months were spent birthing our dream.  We turned this house into our home. It became a place of refuge for our family.

When we moved in we brought 4 children with us.  Our tiny little home was bursting at seams, yet what was leaking out was happiness.  Over the next year, we once again waited 9 long months until a tiny little girl joined our family fun.  We called her our farm baby, born the same place where she has grown up.  This house saw her birth, watched the tears of joy we cried, and listened silently as we continued raising our family.

After another year, our tiny house was screaming to be added onto.  We listened, saved, planned, and doubled the size of our home. It was not so little anymore.  Eventually, three more children were added to our ever-growing family.  Then grandbabies joined in the fun.  Even our grandmother moved in for a season.  Through it all this home sat patiently while we inflicted scratches and scars that come while raising a family.  As we worked to repair any damage we often reminded ourselves, “It’s just a farmhouse”.  You see, in an older farmhouse, boards are often a little crooked, doors sometimes squeak, and perfection is often missed. 

Our little farmhouse has witnessed so much joy, but it also holds the secret of sitting with us in our sorrow.  This little home held our little girl’s body when her spirit left for heaven.  It watched as we handed her over never to return to this place.  It waited while we said goodbye, then welcomed us back with a respectful silence.  It listened as we bared our souls and watched as our grief filled tears were shed.  It offered us a welcome reprieve from a busy would.  A place of peace and comfort, of memories and happiness, a place of understanding for our sorrow and our joy.  

This little farmhouse holds no judgement, only comfort for our weary hearts.  Not every house gets to experience the full circle of life, nor are they all privileged to witnesses both birth and death.  Not every house has seen a lifetime of joy and sorrow mixed in a single breath, because not every house gets to be a home.

The untrained eye might simply think “It's just a farmhouse”.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser   

#AGrievingMama

𝐈 𝐀𝐦 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐦𝐚

 

 

 

I’m not the first mama to ever walk her child to heaven’s gate,

 

But you are the only child I’ve been asked to release back to Jesus.

 

 

I’m not the only mama who has stood by as doctors gave life saving medication,

 

But I am the only mama that stood by you as the medication did nothing and your life was not saved.

 

 

I’m not the first mama to plan her child’s funeral,

 

But I am the only mama who held you in her arms when I did.

 

 

I’m not the only mama who cries silent tears over their child leaving,

 

But then I am your only mama, so I cry over you.

 

 

I’m not the first mama to be sad about little things like outgrown cowboy boots,

 

But then no one else looks at yours and still hears those tiny steps running down the hospital hallway.

 

 

I’m not the only mama that trusts that God will carry her through the dark times,

 

Yet some days are so dark it feels that I must be on this journey alone. 

 

 

I’m not the first mama to listen to the radio with tears rolling down my cheeks,

 

But then some mamas don’t listen after their child leaves.   

 

 

I’m not the only mama that feels sad that as her child’s time was so short,

 

But I am sad I have many friends that feel the same way about their own child.

 

 

I’m not the first mama to miss her baby in heaven,

 

But I am your mama…  I will miss you until we meet again.

 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#ChildhoodCancer

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#Childloss

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#WhileWeAreWaiting

 

#Anotherdaycloser  

 

#AGrievingMama

 

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙂𝙤𝙙 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙨...

 

𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙂𝙤𝙙 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙨, 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙙?

 

 

I was reminded yesterday about someone who touched my life…and Millie’s life… the day she was diagnosed with cancer.  I don’t know the young woman’s name, nor even remember her face honestly, but her actions speak of a true believer of Christ.

 

 

After a long day at Children’s hospital where we had just heard the words, “I’m sorry it looks like Amelia has cancer”.  Our hearts were broken, our minds overwhelmed as Millie and I climbed in our car and started for home. Because we had not been able to get much food into her that day, we pulled into a local fast-food restaurant.  Daddy and Millie stayed in the car while I ran inside.  I am not sure what my face conveyed that day, but I slightly remember the confusion that crossed my brain as the cashier asked to take my order.  She tried to clarify her question and I broke down.  I told her how sorry I was that I just didn’t understand.  Then I dropped the bomb that had so recently blown my world apart.  I shared, “I was just told my baby has cancer”.  As the tears started flowing, the cashier graciously asked if it would be alright for her to pray with me…right there at the register.  I agreed and this young woman, probably a college student from the Christian college across the street, took my hand and offered the most peace filled and beseeching prayer for Millie and our family.  A prayer that calmed my fears, embraced my ache, and focused my thoughts.

 

 

That prayer was a glimpse of God showing up in an unlikely place to remind me that he sees me.  My sorrow is not lost to him.  Even when I don’t realize it, he is ever waiting to be my comforter—often through another who is willing to be his hands and feet.  After praying for me, she finished my order and then handed it to me with the kind words, “There is no charge, I am buying it for you”.  For that meal she likely worked 1-2 hours and yet she so freely gave it away to us. 

 

 

Has God prompted you to be a giver?

 

 

Have you heeded his call?  Did you turn and walk away?  Were you filled with regret at the lost opportunity? 

 

 

I’m sure I have done every one of these.  I fully believe that when I heed his call, not only am I a blessing, but often am the one encouraged by the person I am serving. 

 

 

However there have been times I have been prompted…   times I was too busy, felt awkward, or even was just too distracted to see a need in others.  Times in my life when I later reflected back that Jesus had given me the perfect timing, yet I chose to go my own way.  May God forgive me when I place myself above doing his will.

 

 

𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁. ~𝗛𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝟭𝟯:𝟮　

 

 

I wonder how many times in my life I have neglected to answer the call and have instead missed serving angels, unaware of the blessings we both missed out on.   

 

 

For the sake of clarity, I need to share that I believe angels are God’s ministering servants. They are not, nor have ever been a person.  My sweet Millie while angelic in her innocence, is not an angel in heaven.  Scripture never points us to a place were people become angels.  I also do not know if I have ever ‘entertained angels’ here on earth, but I do know that the same scripture can be applied to ‘show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained (people who are a tremendous blessing) without knowing it. Don’t miss out on a blessing, by missing your chance to be a blessing.   

 

 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#ChildhoodCancer

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#Childloss

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#WhileWeAreWaiting

 

#Anotherdaycloser  

 

#AGrievingMama

 

The Hope of Heaven

 I struggled to rest again last night.  Up late, I sat out on the porch and had a long talk with the Lord. There under the twinkly stars, I prayed over each of my children, except Millie. The tears fell as I once again remember I have no need to pray over her…she is safely home.  I thanked God for my husband.  I am so often reminded what a good man he is.  He is honest, faithful, diligent, and so hard working.  When I get aggravated that his free time is so limited, I always have to return back to he is doing the busy things he does to serve the Lord and to provide for his family.  My heart fills with more gratefulness for him.  

When the mosquitos started to bite, I came back inside and started reading a new fiction book that a friend had sent.  That’s something I have not done in a while.  It seems every book I pick up lately is a study, devotional, or a memoir. Being up so late led me to a midnight snack, which I always regret in the morning.  

Then as I awoke today it was a dreary day in Oklahoma.  The sky has dripped on and off but thankfully the temperatures are pretty cool which leaves less sticky humidity.  The whole day just affects my mood.  I have felt every emotion, but the sadness of missing my girl really hit home again today.  I’m not sad for her, she is happy… but I am sad for me to be living without her.  On days like this I am thankful for the hope of heaven.  

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser   

#AGrievingMama

Resting in Him

 My head knows and my heart believes, but somedays the heaviness is still there.  It pushes down on my body making my shoulders droop and my spirit drag.  The disappointments of this world are strong.  The losses are real, and the cost is heavy.  My soul cries out for deliverance and my spirit longs for the day of heaven when our burdens cease.  

Much of my night was spent wrestling with problems, praying and asking God for direction.  I felt like Jacob as he wrestled with the Lord, yet my wrestling was not with God himself.  More it was a match between my hopes and dreams being dashed with worldly struggles.  No matter how many times I laid back down, sleep was elusive.  I finally sat in my recliner and did the blind choosing of just opening my Bible and allowing the Lord to direct me to what scriptures to read.  The Psalms and words like “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” Psalms 90:14 jumped from the pages.

It led me to praying through Psalms 91…  

𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒅. 

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒈𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝑰 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕. 

𝑪𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔. 

𝑮𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒈𝒆. 𝑩𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕. 

𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕. 

𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔. 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒖𝒔. 𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒆𝒅𝒈𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆. 

𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖…𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆. 

𝑩𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆. 

𝑺𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒇𝒚 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒂𝒍𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.

Do you pray through God’s word?  Do you read it and change his word into prayers to ask of him?  When my heart is heavy, his word is a balm to ease the burden. It reminds me that God is bigger than my present-day problems, yet he sees me and cares about the struggles I walk through.  He knows the desires of my heart and the disappointments when I have to lay them down.  

As I settled in my chair so late at night, I dozed off finally. Then as clear and sweet Millie's voice rang out in my mind. "Thank you taking care of me BYE!" I remember the tears running down my cheeks and the sobs rising. My job taking care of Millie is done. I did the best I knew how, succeeded in some places, and failed in others. I couldn't heal her but could only support her as she received her heavenly healing. It reminds me that I need to stand with open palms... hands turned up to God, not gripping tightly the things and desires of this world but rather in submission to 'not my will but thine'. My job of physically taking care of my adult children is done. My job of taking care of my teens is close to complete. My job to care for my littles is still going if only for another few years. However, my job to PRAY never ceases. A mama needs to spend so many hours covering her family in prayer.  My heart longs to have answers that fix the issues our children will face in their live.  To go to battle and win the fight, and yet so often my place is simply quiet prayer and trust.  

As we enter this new school year and again have so many changes, I pray the Lord gives wisdom to face the day-to-day challenges we will encounter.  I pray that he will impart a knowledge of where to speak and where to be silent.  I pray he reminds me that all things will work out for his glory if I love him.  

𝑰 𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒎.　

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser   

#AGrievingMama

Would you live like you were dying?

 

What would you do if you knew you were dying?

 

What if you had been told your child would soon die? 

 

Would you take lots of pictures?  Make videos of their voice?  Have hand and footprints made?  Record their heartbeat? 

 

Would you take a trip for a bucket list memory?  Would you stay home and soak in every moment together?

 

Would you give your child anything their heart desired?  Would you make their life simple and uncluttered?

 

Would you share your last moments with friends?  Or would you gather every moment close within your family?

 

The truth is that no matter what you THINK you will do when facing death, it will change when death presents itself.  As much as you plan and work to make it stress free and peaceful, death is not natural to us. The thought of loss and grief works against us to be stress-filled and intense.  No one truly wants to encounter death, especially not a painful death.  We were created to live abundant eternal lives, yet because of our nature we will all die before we truly LIVE again in heaven. 

 

One of the hardest days of my life was the day we were told that cancer would soon take our baby.  When we knew Millie was close to death, we did many of those memory things hoping to preserve something to cling to as she left us.  We took hand and footprints, recorded her heartbeat, made videos and pictures.  We took a trip AND then we stayed home--together.  We had gifts we bought, but also ones we never gave her.  We allowed some friends to come but spent a lot of time just being together.  Despite all our well laid plans, it was stressful.  There are things we wish we had done different…regrets that can never be changed.  Some silly, but others sad.  As we watched a kid movie tonight, I cried thinking of Millie’s love for the pink hair “Trolls” movie.  We had a new troll doll, just waiting to give to her… it went unopened to the hospital for another cancer fighter.  She would have loved that doll!  It was an ugly, pink, crazy haired doll and it would have made her so happy.  As the tears ran down my cheeks, her daddy said, “it’s okay…she doesn’t need it now.”  A simple reminder that she is happy in heaven. 

 

I needed that reminder… just as I need the reminder to live each day as if I am a day closer to death (because in reality we all are!).  Not to be sad or fearful, but intentional and deliberate.  To make choices that get me closer to where I want to be rather than just drifting aimlessly.  Again, today I had to make a list of priorities to keep my focus.  I could spend all my time PLANNING to live but forgetting to really live.  I could also spend all my time doing the mundane daily living but never accomplishing what I HOPE and PLANNED for my life.  It is such a balance to live for the day enjoying life but to make that same day count for the things that truly matter too. To ensure that I am being flexible to whatever the Lord sends my way and being willing to change my plans to his will.

 

 By the way… my family has eaten dinner multiple times this week. Dinners that I have cooked from my pantry using supplies I keep on hand.  Following that plan to reclaim the ground stolen when we stopped eating dinners together.  I am making today count!

 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#ChildhoodCancer

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#Childloss

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#WhileWeAreWaiting

 

#Anotherdaycloser  

 

#AGrievingMama

 

From Everyday to Someday

 From Every Day to Just “Someday” …

In November of 2019, a very special dream came true for our precious Millie. On her 3rd birthday week, Make-a-Wish reveled that her wish of a playground in her very own back yard had been granted. She came home from the hospital in the morning and by the afternoon was playing on her new playground surrounded by her “friends” which meant her siblings, grandparents, and nieces.

Having a playground just outside the back door opened up the world to a little girl who had to stay away from germs. She could go out and play to her heart’s content. Sometimes wearing her pajamas and rubber boots, other times in her winter jacket, finally dressed in her spring dresses as she played in the hot sunshine. For 6 glorious months that playground was a place to enjoy time with her siblings, the beautiful outdoors, and to just be a kid without worrying about cancer. When summer came and heaven called, the playground was left behind. It sat empty in the yard much of that summer and into the fall, only being used when the occasional child came to visit.

I once asked Little Man why he didn’t go play on the playground and his sad answer was, “Because Millie is not her to play with me on it!”. Sometimes I would gaze out the window and wonder if it was really such a good idea to have put a huge reminder of loss right outside the back door. We always called it “Millie’s Playground”. We planted a tree in it to give shade to the future children that will play in it. We still have plans to make it pretty with things that remind us of her. We are slow, but not stagnate in our plans. Grief takes a lot of brain power. It takes time to think and rethink. It takes decision making and commitment skills that I don’t always have right now and neither does David. It takes giving myself grace that I cannot be everything to everybody, all the time. Instead, I have to keep pressing on in other areas of my life. Things I can autopilot and still complete without too many big decisions. Things that I have done for so many years that they are well within my comfort zone. I try to keep stretching and growing new skills too… like the writing, facilitating, speaking, dreaming, and ministering but at a slower pace. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can’t do more, but I am at least doing something.

As I stood in the yard, I was reminded how lonesome the playground is. A small pink tricycle sits abandoned to one side. Grass is growing under the swings, making its mark of neglect. Any parent knows that grass usually won’t grow under a swing where children are busy living life. This playground moved from being an everyday playground to a ‘someday’ in the future playground. A day where our grandchildren all come to visit Meme and Poppy’s house, gather outside to enjoy the wish of a little girl—their Aunt Millie, who they never met, but we won’t allow to forget. Millie’s playground sits and waits for that someday… just as her mommy and daddy do.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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