What would you do if you knew you were
dying?
What if you had been told your child
would soon die?
Would you take lots of pictures? Make videos of their voice? Have hand and footprints made? Record their heartbeat?
Would you take a trip for a bucket list memory? Would you stay home and soak in every moment together?
Would you give your child anything their heart
desired? Would you make their life simple
and uncluttered?
Would you share your last moments with
friends? Or would you gather every
moment close within your family?
The truth is that no matter what you THINK you
will do when facing death, it will change when death presents itself. As much as you plan and work to make it stress
free and peaceful, death is not natural to us. The thought of loss and grief works
against us to be stress-filled and intense.
No one truly wants to encounter death, especially not a painful death. We were created to live abundant eternal
lives, yet because of our nature we will all die before we truly LIVE again in
heaven.
One of the hardest days of my life was the day we
were told that cancer would soon take our baby.
When we knew Millie was close to death, we did many of those memory things
hoping to preserve something to cling to as she left us. We took hand and footprints, recorded her
heartbeat, made videos and pictures. We
took a trip AND then we stayed home--together.
We had gifts we bought, but also ones we never gave her. We allowed some friends to come but spent a
lot of time just being together. Despite
all our well laid plans, it was stressful.
There are things we wish we had done different…regrets that can never be
changed. Some silly, but others
sad. As we watched a kid movie tonight,
I cried thinking of Millie’s love for the pink hair “Trolls” movie. We had a new troll doll, just waiting to give
to her… it went unopened to the hospital for another cancer fighter. She would have loved that doll! It was an ugly, pink, crazy haired doll and
it would have made her so happy. As the
tears ran down my cheeks, her daddy said, “it’s okay…she doesn’t need it now.” A simple reminder that she is happy in
heaven.
I needed that reminder… just as I need the
reminder to live each day as if I am a day closer to death (because in reality
we all are!). Not to be sad or fearful,
but intentional and deliberate. To make
choices that get me closer to where I want to be rather than just drifting aimlessly. Again, today I had to make a list of
priorities to keep my focus. I could
spend all my time PLANNING to live but forgetting to really live. I could also spend all my time doing the mundane
daily living but never accomplishing what I HOPE and PLANNED for my life. It is such a balance to live for the day enjoying
life but to make that same day count for the things that truly matter too. To
ensure that I am being flexible to whatever the Lord sends my way and being willing
to change my plans to his will.
By the way…
my family has eaten dinner multiple times this week. Dinners that I have cooked
from my pantry using supplies I keep on hand.
Following that plan to reclaim the ground stolen when we stopped eating
dinners together. I am making today
count!
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle
#ChildhoodCancer
#Neuroblastoma
#Childloss
#Forever3
#WithJesus
#WhileWeAreWaiting
#Anotherdaycloser
#AGrievingMama
No comments:
Post a Comment