Ady's Art With A Heart

 

Two more Art with a Heart 2022 pictures. (Via her mom Ashley Isom )

This “famous artist” took time to come find David and I, letting us pick her up for a picture. We started that when she was still recovering from treatment for Neuroblastoma. Now she is gaining weight and growing BIG! We told her she would be too heavy to hold next time we meet. Ady brings my heart such JOY. She won! Millie prayed that Jesus would heal her friend Ady. Praise God, HE did. Now whenever she sees us she says, “MILLIE’s mom and dad are here!” It thrills our hearts. Thanks for sharing Ady with us Isom family. She makes this walk a little sweeter ❤️ 💔 {Because of Millie} Blessings sweet friends… ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★ I still believe in Millie’s Miracle ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵ #MilliesMiracle #ChildhoodCancer #Neuroblastoma #Childloss #Forever3 #WithJesus #WhileWeAreWaiting #AGrievingMama #MoreThen4

#Lifeafterloss

Art with a Heart 2022

 

We had a great time hanging out with friends, enjoying the food and festivities, but most importantly greeting the young artists who make each piece special.

Although it was a reminder of Millie not being there doing all the things the other kids were, our hearts are still full. To be in a room surrounded by children, ones we know personally, ones who have survived past cancer is an honor we don’t take lightly. Praise God for them!

I also got to hug all my mama friends’ necks and take pictures. One picture tonight was a mama version of our “Angel photo”. Each mama stood where each daughter had two years ago. We didn’t have the same eye paint or weapons. Instead we each wore smiles that share our joy without forgetting we too were warriors. Our girls went to battle, but we were the weapon bearer in this fight.

Ady - mom Ashley

Levy - mom Winter

Me- Millie’s mama

{Because of Millie}

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#AGrievingMama

#MoreThen4

#Lifeafterloss

Ashley Isom

The journey of Leavyn Laine - Our Little Braveheart

A Life I Miss Living

If I spend my time looking at Millie’s photos it feels like she is still close by.

Smiling over her funny expressions, remembering her various foods of choice, and hearing her little voice all brings such joy to me.

Yet there are days I can’t look very long. I don’t want to turn away but when I look my stomach starts to hurt. The painful reminder that she is gone—permanently gone is too much to bear.

My brain just goes over and over the question of ‘how can this be real?’ Why is my baby not here with us?

It is almost like watching an old home movie of someone else’s life. You see all the excitement, the smiles, the events but you can’t feel any of it. Those days are past, and they get farther away with every passing moment. It makes me so sad to think of all the memories we will never make with her. Sibling weddings she will miss, the birth of nieces and nephews that will not know her other than through our words.

More than anything though I just miss my little girl. The one who sat in my lap, patted my face, and asked me to rock her. The one who loved to tease and joke with her big brothers. The sassy little miss who danced and sang with her sisters. Even the one who threw tantrums and occasionally bit her siblings when they made her mad. Each of those memories reminds me of a life lived…of Millie being here with us.

It's a life I miss living

A huge gaping hole in our family

With no way to ever repair the break

Grief leaves such an emptiness in the place where love once lived in the flesh.

Now that same love has to live in the mind, the memories, and in eternity.

~Because of Millie~

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#MoreThen4

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#AgrievingMama

#LifeafterLoss

 

Millie's Voice - First Hospital Admission

 

My life has changed.  I used to spend my days playing with my brother and sister.  We painted, played playdoh, and did school with mom.  When we went outside we would jump on the trampoline, chasing each other all around playing tag. I loved to get in the big blue swing under the shade tree.  Brother would push me high, then run underneath and try to swat me as I soared over his head.  I was so glad my sister held on to me tightly.  We went all the way up high kicking the tree branches far above our heads.

 

Now my mommy and daddy brought my bear, monkey, pink blankie, and me to this huge hospital.  We are staying the night, but I don’t know why.  There are so many people that come in and out of my room.  Most of them I don’t know, but both of my grandmas came to see me. 

 

Daddy laid me in this big bed when we got here.  It’s pretty neat.  It has buttons that make it go really high or really low.  I like to put the back up to lean on and sometimes I even climb up it and slide down.  The nurse lady gave me a special button that I can push and she will come to my room. 

 

I made some new friends.  There is a lady who comes into my room with a bag on her shoulder.  It has lots of neat stuff inside.  She is so fun to play with, but I have noticed she seems to come here anytime something painful is happening.  The pain makes me cry, but then she will get her bubbles out and help me laugh again.

 

My nurses are really fun.  They come in and play with me when they aren’t busy.  They let me get down under their desk when I play hide and go seek with my daddy in the hallways.  They also bring yucky medicine in that I don’t like.  I spit it out a lot.  Every few hours they make me have a leg hug and put a glowing red light on my finger.  They let me use the thermometer in my ear all by myself.  I get grumpy if they come too often, especially the one that shows up when I am sleeping.  He wants me to get out of my warm bed and stand on that metal thing with numbers.  My mommy told him no, that he would need to come back in the daytime. I was glad he stopped waking us up!

 

We have been here a lot of days now.  I feel so bad!  I mainly stay in bed and watch movies or play with my toys.  Mommy tried to get me to take a walk, but I cried.  I don’t want to go anywhere.  One morning I went down the elevator to a funny room where everybody had their hair covered in blue hats and wore blue clothes.  It was cold in there!  I started to get sleepy, so I took a nap.  When I woke up my belly hurt really bad.  I had a big bandage on my tummy, two on my back, and some kind of cord hanging out of my chest.  It all hurts!

 

Last night, my mommy got really worried.  I don’t know why but she went and got a doctor who pushed on my tummy Band-Aid.  It started getting red and then blood was spraying out all over my blankie.  Nurses and doctors started running around trying to clean it up.  We took my bed and went down the elevator to a new room with big letters on the door.  I can’t read yet, but I think they said P.I.C.U.  This new room was noisy and lit up all night long.  There was no place for both mommy and daddy to rest.  They would not let me eat anything even though I kept begging for a burrito. I heard the doctor say we might go into surgery.  I wonder what that means?

 

The next morning, they changed my tummy bandage, and it was not red.  They let my mommy get me out of bed and hold me.  We rocked in a chair for a little while then daddy brought me a burrito for breakfast.  I was so glad to eat finally.

 

After I ate we took my bed back up the elevator to my room on the 10^th floor.  My clothes and toys were there waiting for me.  Someone sent me a huge balloon with Minnie Mouse on it.  I had so much fun pulling it down to the bed then letting it float to the ceiling.  Lots of people are coming now bringing us gifts and food, but most of them cry when they talk to mommy and daddy.  I wonder why everyone is so sad?

 

I learned the name of those bags that hang on my IV pole today.  The nurse called them chemo.  They have a rule that I can’t go out of my room with a chemo bag hanging, but I don’t care because I don’t feel good enough to leave my bed anyway. 

 

We have been here so long now.  Daddy and I celebrated 4^th of July together while mommy went home today.  Some nice lady bought a red, white, and blue basket with a pinwheel in it.  I had fun blowing that around.  There were also funny candies that popped when I put them on my tongue.  They surprised me and I didn’t like them much.  My bear wore the holiday hat from the basket, and I got glow sticks to play with in bed. 

 

Today my mommy tried to tell me we were going home.  I don’t even know what she means.  Isn’t this our new home?  We have stayed so long I don’t remember where we lived before here.  I cried and told her no that I would not get up to go anywhere.  Then I saw her get out my pink and orange shoes.  Those are the shoes I wear when I go out to my swing… oh I remember!  My swing under the tree.  It’s been so long since I have played on it.  I tried to stand and walk but I felt so weak that my big brother carried me to the van while mommy and daddy brought our suitcases.

 

It took a long time to get home.  When we pulled into the driveway I saw my swing and asked daddy to push me on it.  It felt so good to be back to my life {before cancer}.

 

****This is written from the perspective of Amelia “Millie” as two-year-old the the week of her first hospital admission and chemotherapy treatment.  She had her Broviac placed in her chest, a bone marrow biopsy, and a liver biopsy that later bled out sending her into the PICU overnight.    Diagnosed with stage 4 Neuroblastoma she would have many more hospital admissions ahead of her.  This one was by far her most confusing admission. As her parents, I am not sure that we ever thought to say, “you are sick, but you will go back to your house when you feel better.”****

 

Spreading awareness for the sake of the children.

~Because of Millie~

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma 

#MoreThen4

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#AGrievingMama

#MilliesVoiceSeries

Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

 

Do all grieving mothers feel their loss the same?

 

I know each grief journey is individual, but also very similar.

 

Each mother I know would each tell you that losing her child is the hardest thing she has ever gone through.  Some would describe it as their very heart being ripped from their chest.  Others as a suffocating feeling that leaves you in a constant panic.  Still others compare it to living with amputation that might heal, but never ever be the same.

 

So, do all grieving mothers go through the same steps of grief but maybe in different orders?

 

Do we each gather every photo, video, and item we can find that connects us to our child?

 

Are we all inclined to write our feelings down?  Some sharing it with the world, while other mamas write letters directly to their child.

 

Do we each look for things that remind us of our child during our day?  I know many parents believe their children sends them signs.  While I don’t personally think Millie sends me signs, there are things that will bring her to mind.  Anytime I see a beautiful butterfly, my thoughts go to my girl.  If the evening sky is brilliant orange and pink, I am thinking of Millie and her markers—the orange one was her favorite! Yes many things turn my thought back to my girl.

 

Do we each feel the same emotions of disbelief, horror, sadness, and even anger? 

 

Is every grieving mother plagued with the question of WHY did this happen to my child?  Why us Lord? 

 

Do we battle with the thoughts that cause us to second guess the decisions we made?

 

Are we inclined to question everything we know in life?  To see if the truth lines up with our beliefs of our lives before we experienced childloss?

 

Does this devastating loss make a mother bitter or grateful?  Do both emotions wage a battle to dominate at any given time?

 

Can losing a child also cause us to feel a heightened sense of making every moment count?  One of clinging to those we have left in hopes to never miss out again on time with a loved one.

 

Does this hurt become the very thing that opens our eyes, make us more compassionate towards other, and fill us with shame where we have cast judgement ‘before we knew’?

 

Can losing our child make us seek Jesus in a very real and personal way, desperate to know deeper truth?

 

At what point in this journey do we believe that life can still be good, though never the same again?

All these thoughts run through my mind as I think about my life:

~Before I knew

~Now I know

 

Some of these struggles I have passed through…for the first time.  I know grief has a way of circling back and forcing you to walk that path repeatedly, gaining a little more insight with each step.  A few of these heartaches I have yet to battle, but often wonder when they will show up?  Certain doubts, fears, and emotions plague me more during triggering situations.  No matter where I stand in my grief journey, three things stand out to me: one my girl is never forgotten, two I am never alone--Jesus will never leave or forsake me, and three if I only reach out there will be another grieving mother close by to gain strength and comradery with.  She knows// I know// together we get it. 

 

 

~Because of Millie~

 

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#MoreThen4

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#AgrievingMama

#LifeafterLoss