We prayed for a miracle which God granted in heaven. Daily we walk the path of grief, ever leaning on Jesus for our comfort. Until we meet again Millie, always remember you are forever loved and missed!

Monday, January 31, 2022

Symbolic Butterflies

 


One of the symbolic things we have looked for during Millie’s illness and death is the butterfly.
It embraces a horrible dark time of being completely destroyed before God then uses the very painful thing that destroyed it to make something new and beautiful.
Just as the caterpillar is closed off from life in a chrysalis, just as his entire being is dissolved, just as he is slowly remade, in the same way God uses our pain to TRANSFORM us and make us more like him. We become something beautiful changed by the pain we have endured.
At the “Sister’s Soirée” yesterday I was given an opportunity to pick a handmade piece of art, a butterfly to represent our journey.
I wasn’t the first woman in line to chose, though I knew from across the room which one caught my eye. When my time came, my butterfly was still in the basket. As I chose it, I noticed it had one word painted on the side. One unique word that embodies our walk with Millie—Grateful
You see as hard as this walk is, I always want to be grateful. To show others my heart of thankfulness. To give God glory for what he has done in my life. To have GRATITUDE 🦋
I am thankful for this precious, fun artist painting this image to represent yet another thing to align my heart in gratitude.
@KatherineSandersArt
~Because of Millie 💗🦋~
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・゚★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆。・:*:・゚ Hebrews 11:1 。・:*:・゚☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
💛🎗


Friday, January 28, 2022

Why not us?

 



Even while abiding in faith there is a wrestling.
A nagging question, a lack of understanding, a why that hangs heavy in my spirit.
Some days the answer is easier to contend with.
“God’s ways are higher than ours”
“His plan was different”
“He needed her.”
Other times that sadness of “Why not us? Why couldn’t she have been healed here?”
Sometimes this pain can be funneled into helping others. It can fuel my compassion and a listening ear. It can prompt me to reach out and hold the hand of someone needing to know they aren’t alone.
Yet some nights it’s lonely. It’s selfish and empty. It’s simply wishing that as I hold her monkey and cover up with her pink blankie, that her little body was laying in my arms instead. Her little 3 yr old frame, still so tiny. That sweet bald head with a few new hairs that tickled my lips when I kissed her. Those sweet squishy baby hands with the freckle on her ring finger. All those things I long for. Yet here I am, crying out to Jesus. Sharing my burdens and knowing he listens to my heart even when it speaks pain and sadness.
Always missing Millie 💗🦋
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・゚★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆。・:*:・゚ Hebrews 11:1 。・:*:・゚☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
💛🎗

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Happy Birthday Joshua!

 


I remember “Prolife Sunday 1994” well. I arrived at the hospital 28 years ago today at 7 am. The doctor expected me to have a big 11 lb baby unless we induced 2 weeks early.

They placed the Pitocin drip at 9 am and the contractions were instant and extreme. At 10 am I called the doctor into my room saying I wanted to push. He laughed, told me it would be hours, and that he would be back later that day. I remember seeing him dressed in a tee shirt and jeans, standing across the room as he said that. A nurse came to check me, said, “She’s ready to push!” The doctor came to the bedside still in jeans, I pushed just a few times and he handed me a precious baby boy. Due to the rapid delivery his face had some bruising, but this mama was in love! The time was just after 10 am. Probably my shortest and most intense delivery, it’s hard to believe that was 28 years ago.
One of Joshua’s best friends was his baby sister Millie. He spent so much time with her during her illness. He played with her, rocked her, rubbed her legs on demand. He was always teaching her silly phrases. She brought out his fun side and together they made so many memories. I believe knowing Millie changed Joshua for the better. He knows how short and precious life is.
Happy Birthday Son! I am proud of the man you have grown up to be.
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・゚★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆。・:*:・゚ Hebrews 11:1 。・:*:・゚☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
💛🎗

Thursday, January 20, 2022

A Daddy is Strong When No One Else Can Be

 




When a man marries, he is expected to be the leader and the rock of the family.

Visibly unaffected by the winds of change, he continues on faithful and steady despite the adversity he faces.

Yet the moment he is handed his first child, he begins a new life—the life of a daddy.

He now wears a part of his heart on the outside of his body.

His job is to teach his child, disciple his child, and lead his child. 

He is the one who does the hard stuff like being strong when others are weak.

He is filled with concern when his child is sick.

RELATED: Dear Husband, Your Strong Hands Hold My Heart

As the testing begins, he steadily walks beside his wife and child through each procedure. 

His heart is heavy with fear when he hears the diagnosis is likely fatal.

He hurts when his child hurts but tries to look tough in the face of pain. 

His tasks have included standing close by while his baby endures yet another trauma. 

Many days he has carried his little one, too weak to stand, back to the car after a treatment.

Many nights he has held the dreaded shot needles while hearing, “Please don’t, Daddy.”

Though his eyes may get misty, you will rarely see him shed a tear.

He is a man who puts others’ pain in front of his own. 

I know this man well; you see, I married him long ago. I have delivered his babies, some healthy and others who were struggling. I have watched him diaper and feed them, buckle them in their car seats, and rock them late at night.

I sat next to him when they told us, “I’m sorry it looks like your daughter has cancer.” I’ve held him as we silently sobbed after holding our daughter down for yet another painful treatment. I’ve seen him retreat into himself to escape sharing his pain. I’ve also seen him pour his heart out to me alone about how hard this walk is. 

The day they told us the tumors were growing and we wouldn’t have our daughter much longer, I watched as through the tears he continued to minister to her needs.  Despite the temper tantrums, pain, and distress he lovingly stood by her side.

Through long, sleepless nights and endless, painful days, he faithfully took care of her. 

He shielded me from so many hard tasks. I never once gave her a “poke” in her tiny thigh. I never gave the strong medication needed to endure the pain. I wasn’t the one who stood beside her when only one parent was allowed to be at the hospital overnight. When we brought her home to wait for the final days to be complete, he set an alarm round the clock to wake and care for her medical needs. She knew her daddy was there for her, even telling me, “Let daddy change my diaper, mom. He does it better!”

The day we planned her funeral I held her, still clinging to life, in my arms. He was the one who carried her back to our bedroom to tuck her into bed that night. In the final moments when we said goodbye, he was the one to pray over her one last time. 

RELATED: She Was Never Mine

When the funeral director arrived, her daddy carried her out to the waiting car, handing her tiny body to another caretaker for the last time. The afternoon of her funeral her daddy stood strong and carried our daughter’s little white coffin to the gravesite as we prepared to lay her to rest. 

During her short lifetime, he was our rock, our strong leader. 

She and I both knew he would do whatever needed to be done to protect her. 

To heal her if it was in his control. 

To release her to Heaven when his heart was broken. 

To stand firm beside us as his family gathered to lay her to rest. 

This man holds my full and complete admiration for all the things he never thought he could do . . . but did.

Daddies are strong even in their weakest moments.

I am so grateful to co-parent with such an amazing daddy.

Reprinted from Her View From Home https://herviewfromhome.com/a-daddy-is-strong/

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Letters from Millie

 



So many tears...
Tonight I wrote my first letter “from Millie” of her memories—then I sobbed.
These letters are a set of 7, each written with different memories held in the heart of a special girl, but viewed and recorded by her mama. They are a part of her legacy, her memory, and our family joy.
The last few days have been dark. The burden of sadness has threatened to drag me down. I’m fighting it and forcing myself to keep my focus on Jesus as the only one who can keep me going.
But Friends can I say— this hurts!
It hurts worse than any other heartache I have ever walked through in my life.
The grief is heavy and when other disappointments and discouragements hit, I struggle to keep my head above water.
Is my faith weak? No, I believe that is what keeps me afloat. Like the disciple Peter when I take my eyes off Jesus I start to sink. I cry out time and again, “Lord Jesus save me!”
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage!It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,”he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:25-33
Time after time he is my hero, my rescue story.
He can redeem any situation, comfort any sorry, and rescue us in our times of trouble.
❤️Drop me a heart if Jesus has rescued you❤️
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆。・:*:・゚★,。・:*:・゚☆ 。・:*:・゚★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆。・:*:・゚ Hebrews 11:1 。・:*:・゚☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
💛🎗