Not a cancer of my body, but the cancer that
invaded my innocent little baby’s body.
It ruined me from being able to always show appropriate sympathy to my
other kids. It took my compassion for
the little bumps and bruises that cause tears, replacing it with a ‘time to
suck it up’ attitude. My mama heart
wants to be a comfort to you. I want to
dry your tears, yet my brain screams, “Stop crying, it’s not that bad! Think
what your sister went through”.
I never want to compare your precious life to
your sister’s short but painful journey.
You are all such unique individuals who face different kinds of
challenges. She faced her cancer battle
and all the treatments with brave tears.
She would yell, “I’m not gonna kick, but I’m gonna scream!” –and she
did. She fought for her earthly life,
but eventually gained her eternal life in heaven with Jesus.
You, however, have also done hard things in
your short life. You sat beside your
sister’s bed as she took her last breath.
You have faced death head on. You know more truth about cancer, death,
and grief than many grown adults. You cry
tears from a broken heart, but you also bravely wipe them away as you choose to
remember the good times you had together.
You fight for life daily—a life of normal. A life that we had before all the sorrow and sadness
invaded our home.
Cancer also ruined my ability to discern the
little things from the big issues. It
causes me to second guess each fever or sniffle or dark circle under your eye
as a sign that you too might be sick. I
try to be brave—as brave as your sister was… as brave as you are. Some days I am, but other days the tears course
down my cheeks, my patience runs low, I carry a knot in my stomach, and I wish
to retreat from the world. On those days
(-today-) my heart aches to realize that because cancer is still affecting me, it
in turn is still affecting you.
You --my precious child who I wish to be so
strong for.
You --the one I want to kiss every boo-boo and bandage
every scrape.
You --who I want to gather you in a healing hug
and remind you that we WILL be OKAY because cancer cannot destroy our family.
Together, we will continue to fight this enemy and to reclaim our lives.
You --each one of YOU. I want you to remember that your mama loved
you ever so much. She prayed for you
every day. She kept on moving and kept
on being okay because of YOU.
You -- my child who is so incredibly LOVED…
Blessings sweet friends…
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle
#ChildhoodCancer
#Neuroblastoma
#Childloss
#Forever3
#WithJesus
#WhileWeAreWaiting
#Anotherdaycloser
#AGrievingMama
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