From Every Day to Just “Someday” …
In November of 2019, a very special dream came true for our precious Millie. On her 3rd birthday week, Make-a-Wish reveled that her wish of a playground in her very own back yard had been granted. She came home from the hospital in the morning and by the afternoon was playing on her new playground surrounded by her “friends” which meant her siblings, grandparents, and nieces.
Having a playground just outside the back door opened up the world to a little girl who had to stay away from germs. She could go out and play to her heart’s content. Sometimes wearing her pajamas and rubber boots, other times in her winter jacket, finally dressed in her spring dresses as she played in the hot sunshine. For 6 glorious months that playground was a place to enjoy time with her siblings, the beautiful outdoors, and to just be a kid without worrying about cancer. When summer came and heaven called, the playground was left behind. It sat empty in the yard much of that summer and into the fall, only being used when the occasional child came to visit.
I once asked Little Man why he didn’t go play on the playground and his sad answer was, “Because Millie is not her to play with me on it!”. Sometimes I would gaze out the window and wonder if it was really such a good idea to have put a huge reminder of loss right outside the back door. We always called it “Millie’s Playground”. We planted a tree in it to give shade to the future children that will play in it. We still have plans to make it pretty with things that remind us of her. We are slow, but not stagnate in our plans. Grief takes a lot of brain power. It takes time to think and rethink. It takes decision making and commitment skills that I don’t always have right now and neither does David. It takes giving myself grace that I cannot be everything to everybody, all the time. Instead, I have to keep pressing on in other areas of my life. Things I can autopilot and still complete without too many big decisions. Things that I have done for so many years that they are well within my comfort zone. I try to keep stretching and growing new skills too… like the writing, facilitating, speaking, dreaming, and ministering but at a slower pace. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can’t do more, but I am at least doing something.
As I stood in the yard, I was reminded how lonesome the playground is. A small pink tricycle sits abandoned to one side. Grass is growing under the swings, making its mark of neglect. Any parent knows that grass usually won’t grow under a swing where children are busy living life. This playground moved from being an everyday playground to a ‘someday’ in the future playground. A day where our grandchildren all come to visit Meme and Poppy’s house, gather outside to enjoy the wish of a little girl—their Aunt Millie, who they never met, but we won’t allow to forget. Millie’s playground sits and waits for that someday… just as her mommy and daddy do.
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
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