Silence is Golden

Silence is GOLDEN or so they say….

Unless you have a newborn and are tiptoeing to their crib to check that they are breathing.

It is bliss…

Unless you have a toddler who is known to sneak off and get into mischief.

It is needed…

Unless you have a preschooler that is so wrapped up in a screen that they have blocked out the world.

It is wonderful…

Unless your elementary age child is filled with anxiety and worry.

It is refreshing…

Unless your teen is blocking you out of their world, living for the moment, and not considering the consequences.

It can be comfortable…

Unless your marriage has grown stale and needs a breath of fresh air.

I have spent many moments holding my breath and silently checking that each of my 9 babies were ‘just sleeping soundly’. I have paid my dues cleaning up the permanent marker, orange craft paint, and calling poison control. I have said more times than I can count, “only 30 minutes on that IPad!” I have reassured children at bedtime that even though life is hard, it will be okay and they have nothing to fear…not in the dark or the light. I have spent years 20 years praying over my teens and trying to remember not to take their attitudes as personal attacks. So far we have had 6 teens and each one came with a different challenge but not one came with an instruction manual. I have also been a wife for over 30 years. Many of those years were filled with challenges, failures on both our parts, daily stress, and long nights.

It seems that silence is not really the house we want to live in. It is really LONELY in the middle of a crowd. It is individuals functioning as islands rather than a family functioning as a team. It is isolation in the worst kind of way. Ideally the very thing we often beg for is what we really do not want. Gratefully our house is never quiet for very long. We are loud, boisterous voices that are joking, playing, and even fussing, but we are a family that is doing that together.

Using Bywords...

 Are you looking forward to 2021?

Can you believe it is upon us?

All the things we hoped would be over by now like Covid, masks, quarantining, and Presidential confusion, are still going strong. Would we be different people if life were back to ‘normal’?

Were we really different people before 2020? I like to think so… I like to think we were kinder, more friendly, more trusting, more relational, but I am not sure that is entirely true. I think hard times tends to bring out what we really are. Hard times tends to reveal who we are deep inside ourselves.

If we are generous, then we are still helping others even when times are rough.

If we are polite, then we will not be attacking others for holding beliefs different from our own.

If we are loving, then we will have compassion on the hurting rather than being ready to strike back when they hurt us.

This concept is true for us in every area of our lives! We are either filled with God’s way or the world’s way. The most glaringly obvious one to me is what we say when we are ‘frustrated’.

Do we let forth a string of four-letter words?

Do we just try to act more polite and instead post characters ##@**! so that others can fill in the blanks?

Are these words even wrong?

In today’s society it seems they are commonly acceptable. I hear many professing Christian woman say things that even men would have never said…at least not in a lady’s presence just one generation ago.

And really, just why do we insert crude language? Usually, it is to call out another person; to put them in their place. However, we cannot praise GOD and curse people…. We cannot be filled with refreshing words and bitter words. One or the other will take over; scripture tells us we cannot have it both ways.

James 3:9-12

“9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and saltwater flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.?”

Obviously, the answer is no; both cannot flow from the same spring. Scripture calls these commonly inserted words ‘bywords’. Dictionary.com defines a byword as: “an object of general reproach, derision, scorn, etc.”

Job 17:6

“But He has made me a byword of the people,

And I am one at whom men spit.”

Job 30:9

“And now I have become their taunt,

I have even become a byword to them.”

Deuteronomy 28:37

“You shall become a horror, a proverb, and a taunt among all the people where the Lord drives you.”

Psalms 44:14

“Thou makest us a byword among the heathen, a shaking of the head among the people.”

Jeremiah 24:9

“I'll make them into a horrifying sight to all the kingdoms of the earth; into a cause for contempt, into a byword, into a taunt, and into a curse in all the places to which I drive them.”

None of these scriptures use a byword as a POSITIVE thing. Nobody WANTS to be a byword. Now it does not say they are sin to use, but rather that if we are filled with these negative words and thoughts, then how can we be filled with God’s word? Do you choose to be a negative or a positive person?

***The exception to a byword that IS SIN would be using the Lord God’s name as a byword or a curse. God is very clear that his name is not to be used wrongly.

Exodus 20:7 " "𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙊𝙍𝘿 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙂𝙤𝙙, 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙊𝙍𝘿 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙.”

I hope that is food for thought as we enter the new year, leaving behind the old, improving our lives, and seeking to Glorify God in everything we do.

On a side note, I had an opportunity to choose how I should respond today when Little Man lost his mud boot in the driveway. He picked it up and walked all the way to the house…through more mud…carrying that boot! I almost spoke harshly saying “Why did you not put your boot back on? Those are your new socks!” However, I felt a prompting to be quiet and let him tell me what happened. He said, “My boot stuck in the mud and flew OFF my foot! I didn’t want to put my muddy sock inside my new boot.” He was thinking and reasoning that it would be much better to have a muddy sock than a boot filled with mud. I agree wholeheartedly!! Good call Little Man!!

When you are tracking mud, consider where it will end up and choose wisely.

To be Fully Known AND Fully Know

 Everybody has the same mundane questions in their life…

What are we doing today?

What should I wear?

What is for dinner?

I have been answering those a lot lately…except maybe the “what is for dinner” one. Truth be told, I am a horrible dinner planner. I do not like to cook. I like super easy. When David goes out of town we live on cheese nachos and cereal. I cannot give sandwiches away. My kids hate them! Who has ever met a kid that dislike a good old PB&J??!?? Cue one Little Man and SJ…. The easiest food on earth and they think they are being tortured.

In addition to the day to day living worries, there have been lots of big, deep conversations going on around our house lately. SJ came and asked Daddy about ‘the Abyss’ (Hell) and what he thought it was like. That led to a big conversation that the word ‘LIKE’ is just that, it is a comparison in our minds to the worst thing we can imagine. It will be MUCH WORSE that what we can imagine because our earthly mind can only come up with a certain level of horrible. On the flip side, HEAVEN will be so much greater than ‘streets of gold and mansions.’ It is described that way because on Earth those are considered beautiful and wonderful things. Our mind can not TRULY comprehend how great heaven will be and so we give it the best LIKE comparison we can think of. When it comes down to it, those details do not even matter. They are NOT salvation issues and if you ask any 10 people what they think heaven will be like, you will receive 10 different answers. The only part that matters is faith in Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection for salvation.

John 14:6

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

SJ went on to question me about "who knows all about the Bible?" I told her, “Bible Scholars study it, but even they don’t know it all.” SJ asked, “Do you know any Bible Scholars?” At first I said, “not really”, but added onto my answer “Yes, I actually do, Millie is now a Bible scholar”. Now before you think I am crazy, hear me out. You wonder how a 3-year-old little girl could be any kind of scholar? The definition of a scholar is a ‘learned person.” This is where it gets interesting. Here on Earth, we do not see the whole picture. We do not understand why babies die or old people get Alzheimer’s or bad things happen… we just can’t wrap our brains around the WHYS!

1 Corinthians 13:12

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

The first half of the verse talks about us seeing through a glass darkly… like trying to look inside a tinted window of a car. We can make out some of the details, but we do not see the whole picture clearly. The second half of the verse is so exciting… then we will know JESUS as we are known. Consider that thought, Jesus knows everything about us. Everything we think we keep secret and hidden; he knows. Someday WE WILL KNOW everything about HIM. Our relationship will be just as intimate. We are FULLY KNOWN now, but then HE will be FULLY KNOWN! What an awesome thought.

So back to Millie, how is she a Bible scholar? As I shared with SJ, Millie’s eyes are now opened to FULLY KNOW Jesus. She is there, face to face, not looking through the dark glass. She fully understands HIM and in that understanding she understands the Bible. I would say anyone that understands all the Bible is a scholar. It is amazing to think that my little girl now knows far more than her mama.

Around our house we started back to school today… when you homeschool, you can take breaks at other times and not stick to the public-school schedule. SJ asked ‘so what happened to our Christmas Break?’ I laughed and reminded her we took it a few weeks earlier. She really did not mind getting back to work. Too much time off just allows them to forget more and have to relearn it. I was grateful to start back, not because I want to be doing school really but more because I need routine and predictability. I think that was part of what made Christmas so hard was so much pressure, stress, and lack of routine left me drained. When I get tired I grieve so much harder. The deep black pit starts sucking me in, the tears flow, and my chest heaves. If I can just be cautious about what I commit to doing, guarding my energy, and prioritizing what I need to do, I function so much better. It does not keep my heart from aching, but it gives me the emotional strength to walk through it.

The excitement for the day around here is the electricity to the well house just lost a ‘leg’, meaning in women terms ‘it does not have enough power to pump our water’… so much for bath night. The Electric Co-op has been called and will hopefully fix it sometime tonight. It is hard to run a large family with no water. We do have ponds for ‘flushing’ water but prefer drinking the clean stuff…obviously!

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★ ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ★

★｡,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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What I didn't know...

 As we look back there are so many things that said, “she won’t be here long”.

I am so glad I didn’t know...

December 27, 2017

I asked little man “who is your wife going to be?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet mom.”

We then prayed for his future wife. We also prayed for his siblings future spouses (I have done this since my big kids were small).

When we were done he tells me “AJ (Millie) is not getting married. She will always be a baby even when she grows up”. Guess it’s hard for him to imagine baby sister grown up.

Revamping our Budget

 Today was spent getting prepared for the new year. We took time to update our family budget. Long ago we did Dave Ramsey’s “Financial Peace” class and chose to follow the concepts we learned there.

Through the course of Millie’s illness our budget got out of whack. Gas, eating out and babysitting expenses soared. While we have kept everything balanced, we had not updated the changes in over 18 months. We have sold two vehicles, and bought two more. Our grocery budget reduced by two- Josh and Millie . Activities have changed this year. So so many changes! It was time to do some updates.

Once that was out of the way, we went to feed our livestock. We have 15 cows, 2 horses, 3 chickens, 1 llama, and a host of cats. In the winter the larger animals get hay and feed every few days. They still graze between times.

Next we went on a date night ... I always appreciate the time he devotes to our marriage.

It’s good to get away together.

We came home and ended the evening with a game of Apples to Apples with our kids, in addition working on that 2000 piece puzzle from Christmas Day

Christmas 2020

 Merry Christmas

Today was a good day...

The weeks leading up to Christmas were so emotional. I really wasn’t sure how I would do  so we kept Christmas Eve very low key. We were able to have a yummy ham supper with my mother and oldest granddaughter. We exchanged our gifts, ate yummy dessert and they headed home. It was a good visit. I was (emotionally) exhausted and in bed by 7:30, however I did get up for a bit when the next grand babies arrived about 9. We got to give hugs, open sibling gifts and head to bed so ‘Santa’ could come.

When I woke this morning, my dining room held a big, beautiful surprise for me. My Santa snuck out to the car in the night to retrieve the garden “whirlybird” that I have been eyeing for years. He stopped in town and snuck it home. It will go in Millie’s playground garden 🪴 along with a beautiful metal butterfly for the garden. I’m so excited!

We opened our stockings at 9 am, laughed when we ran out of the “Christmas Tree” snack cakes (I could only find 1 box this year!). The adult ‘kids’ were given tree cutouts from the box instead We decided those are diet snack cakes. 

We had a breakfast brunch thanks to Santa also being a fry cook in his earlier years. He’s handy to have around. Next, we all opened our gifts rotating from youngest to oldest until the gifts ran out. The remainder of the day was spent relaxing doing a 2000(!) piece puzzle, watching Christmas movies, playing marbles and Mindcraft.

The gifts we remembered Millie by were some special ornaments for each person’s tree (I will store the kids until they marry).

Also, Millie’s jammie pants were sewn into teddy bears for the sisters. I’ve had these put back but didn’t want my kids to see them until today so there were no sneak peek pictures for you all.

May your Christmas memories be filled with Love and Joy.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#ChildhoodCancer

The dread of Christmas

 Christmas Eve has arrived and so has the pit in my stomach.

Everything is ready, the food is warming, the gifts are wrapped minus that last minute straggler sitting on my desk glaring at me to hurry. I got lost for a little while in my pictures of Christmas pasts with Millie. It seems so strange that her whole life’s worth of Christmas pictures fit on 2 scrapbook pages. There are a few other photos with family members, but these are all we have of her by herself at Christmas. Four Christmases were all we got….

I started searching and searching for her 2020 Christmas photos only to realize this IS 2020 and there will be none. All I have is a single photo of the flowers placed at her grave. This makes the pit in my stomach bigger and the need for an antacid quickly coming on. I know she is having a perfect Christmas with Jesus. She doesn’t need all the tinsel and lights, presents, and foods, she has Jesus. She sees what we don’t… she knows what we don’t… she understands what don’t. She has the whole picture of a savior born in a manger, sent as salvation unto the whole world, redeeming our sins and making us white as the Christmas snows. This is the simple gift that gives me any Christmas peace.

JOY to the world! The Savior’s come! Let Earth receive her King!

Merry Christmas sweet Friends! May your Christmas Eve be filled with peace, joy, and love.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　Hebrews 11:1 ｡,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵