Kindly Bite your Tongue

 

Dear Friends,

Little things that bring brought me sweet joy today…

·         Coffee with cream and SF syrup—salted caramel of course.  I never liked coffee <<AT ALL>> until Millie got sick.  Now it is a daily pleasure!

·         Precious friends that help me when I get in a bind.  Today, one friend babysat SJ and Little Man, another took Abby to her class painting party. 

·         Getting to road trip to Missouri with Katherine and a friend for her volleyball tournament tomorrow.  We are in an Air B&B that is so cute and comfy.  It is my first time staying at one and I wonder if I will ever use a hotel again.

·         Time writing tonight after drinking WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE for the day…

·         A Hubby that stayed home to take care of our other children so I could take this trip.

·         Soft music like “Lighthouse” from Scripture Lullabies.  Listening now because I can still focus with it playing.

·         My ‘new’ grey fuzzy house shoes…  Also am wearing my “Mama Bear” shirt one of you sent to me.

 

Things that do not bring me joy…

 

I have one thing that I witnessed today that does not bring me joy. It is probably not worth mentioning except it brings light to something we families struggle with as we try to be transparent about our lives, especially our cancer journeys.  I am going to share it in part, though anonymously because my point of sharing is to address the behavior, not the commenter.

 

Today I had a fellow cancer momma friend, Levy’s mom that posted a video of Leavyn getting her ‘port’ accessed this week.  She posted it for two reasons:

·         to bring awareness

·          2) to document what a brave overcomer her precious little one is. 

Someday this virtual journal will be the very thing that shows their family how God sustained them during this very difficult time of their lives.  

 

What happened today is the epitome of internet rudeness.  One of the commenters started criticizing Levy’s momma for posting the video.  She accused her of posting it for her own personal gain, saying “Seems more like Mother’s journey than Leavyn’s”.  Reality is we cancer mamas have nothing to gain by being so transparent with our lives other than begging for people to pray for our babies.  The journey is one that affects the whole family and is hard on every single member.  Yes, some people do send money or gifts, but I can ASSURE you none of us want anything more than for our baby to find healing.  These gifts bring the children small amounts of joy in the midst of grueling hardship, but it does not make it better…nothing but healing makes it better!  Even then the long-term side effects, scars, and PTSD will be present forever in both the kids and their parents.

 

This lady proceeded to tell my friend in part that, ‘I am older than you and know more about cancer and the care of family members with cancer.’

 

 My response to her thoughtless comment was, “all I can say is I am sorry if you know more about cancer than a momma that is standing beside her baby as she walks this journey. A journey that will either bond a family, destroy a family, or both. As another cancer mama whose child did not make it, I would ask that even if you are far more knowledgeable and have watched hundreds of babies die, that you refrain from questioning those of us in the journey. Each day is survival in a walk from hell (as a Christian I do not use that word lightly). Levy’s momma is doing what is best for HER child...not yours and not mine. Be an encouragement or consider biting your tongue.”

 

I hope my response was filled with GRACE first and TRUTH secondly.  The comments that are made, even if just off handed, HURT others’ hearts.  As ‘cancer mamas’, we are doing the BEST WE KNOW HOW in a time that no one truly knows how to navigate.  As a ‘grieving mama’, I too am doing the best I know how.  It will not look like someone else that is grieving-- we are all individuals, and we all process our loss differently.  All I can offer is the hope that I cling too—a relationship with Jesus and him sustaining you.

 

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#ChildhoodCancer

 

Wednesday Warrior

 WEDNESDAY WARRIOR........

This is Millie.

Millie, the baby of 9 children.

Millie, an aunt to 6 nieces and nephews.

Millie, our beautiful blond curly headed girl.

Millie, a precious 3-year-old who never saw her 4th birthday.

Millie was a true warrior. At the age of 2.5 she was diagnosed with Stage 4, Neuroblastoma. Millie battled this horrific cancer for 1 year and 18 long days. She was BRAVE and COURAGEOUS in the face of many painful and scary medical procedures. She was filled with LOVE and COMPASSION for her family, friends, and other cancer fighters. She had a JOY in her heart that kept her living life to the fullest even as her life on earth was coming to an end. She loved her time at home on her farm, spent with her family. She enjoyed fishing, working with daddy, and her swing in the yard. Her favorite place to be at the end of the day was in the rocking chair with her mama asking, “Can I sleep in your lap?”

On July 8, 2020 Millie closed her eyes here on earth and opening them up to the face of Jesus.

Millie’s earthly life is over, but her story and the story of her family is not.

Every year more than 400, 000 families around the world hear the same devastating words we did on June 20, 2019. “Your child has cancer”.

Every year in America alone, we lose over 3,774 kids to cancer. These families like ours are left to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts and try to go on with life. The parents are left grieving the loss of their child while trying to help their other children understand the loss of their sibling. The parents are trying to return to work yet walking through a fog of grief. They are often left with huge medical bills that remain after treatment. These parents and families need to be remembered and supported long after their child has passed away.

Please pray for our family and the many others like us that have a child gone too soon. If our story touches you or you are walking in the same journey we are, please find us on Millie’s Miracle Facebook page at

https://www.facebook.com/Mountfamily/

***Pictures used with Permission***

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle #Forever3 #WithJesus #Neuroblastoma #ChildhoodCancer

>>>>From Addi's Journey<<<< PLEASE GO FOLLOW

Millie's Miracle

!

Please PRAY for this family as they grieve the loss of this little warrior!

PLEASE Share Millie's Story so the world can know her, remember her and never forget her battle!

Much love ~ LaLa

#addisjourney #wednesdaywarrior #rememberingmillie

A recipe for Godliness...

 Dear Friends,

Have you ever considered if you are a ‘good’ mom (dads and grandparents please bear with me)?

What exactly IS a Good Mom?

Often if you would follow the thoughts of men (probably other women actually) a good mom would be a mom who is young and fit. She is trim, with stylish clothes, and lots of energy. She seems to always have a coffee in one hand, her iPhone ready to documents her child’s every accomplishment, and her name brand diaper bag on her shoulder. She is able to work from home while her children are in play group. When they are home, she is the mom that is right there in the middle of their play. She is willing to sit and play of the floor with them for hours. She is willing to drive them to all the activities that will help them become well rounded kiddos. She knows the importance of spending her waking hours investing in the children, but that often leaves her up way past their bedtime completing all the other things she is responsible for. Clean house- check, happy hubby – check, Bible and prayer time- check, exercise- check, on and on it goes in the never-ending list of ‘mom life’ jobs. But hey, you know being a good mom is a lot of work.

But what if that is not you? What if you just cannot be all those things.? What if you get tired, your coffee is cold, and you are cranky? What if the house is a wreck, the kids need to be bathed, and they are wearing two-day old, mismatched clothes with spaghetti sauce down the front? Maybe your cute haircut is always up in a messy bun and your outfits consist of your hubby’s oversized tees and a pair of leggings? Do YOU qualify as a good MOM??

I think we have to be so careful as we evaluate what it takes to be a ‘good mom’. Most of us can look at others and be sure that ‘they have it all together’. More of us can simply think “I am not living up to what I think a good mom is!” Social media and the world show us what is considered to be good mom stuff… themed birthday parties, nutritious food, matching clothes and hair bows, perfectly clean homes … the list goes on and on. There is nothing inherently wrong with aspiring to any of these things unless they take your eyes off Jesus. There is also none of these things that make you a ‘good mom’… fun maybe but not good.

It is so easy to get caught up in all the ‘right’ things we need to do to be a good mom. Many of my homeschooling mama friends from about 20 years ago can attest to how this felt. At that point in my life, I felt like the recipe to be a good mom included dressing modestly (yes important still!) but usually in an oversized denim jumper and often it had a large collar attached. You needed to know how to grind wheat and bake your own bread… you know for health reasons. You probably had a batch of kefir fermenting on the countertop. Your children, more likely than not, played an instrument. You might have delivered a few of your babies at home. You homeschooled, often while nursing an infant and having a toddler in a playpen nearby. Cloth diapers were often a way to save money because you could reuse them for each new baby. Your large van was white and often had that awful peeling paint that the Chevys had from 2005-2008.

Get a few years further down the road and you probably started to proclaim how your kids would have a ‘courtship’ not dating. You began to get away from the fresh ground wheat and move to gluten free products. You began to use essentials oils and more natural housecleaning products. You started needing help to homeschool and began joining co-ops and using online programs. Now with a house full of teens you started seeing the need for internet filters and cell phone blockers. Your kids were not going to have a phone, right? But somehow they do… somehow all the things we say, “I will never…” usually end with us eating humble pie and being reminded that each child is different. What works for some, does not work for others. What works in some generations does not in others.

We as a people put too much emphasis on being the SAME. The call is “BE LIKE ME! I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.” In reality, the call needs to be, “Be like JESUS. Only HE knows how to do this!” It is too easy to look at others and not measure up to the standard that they portray whether on purpose or not. In that same vein, do not look at our family and think we know how to do it. But for the grace of GOD, we would be nothing more than a puddle on the floor.

In Ephesians Ch 1 and Ch 2 there is a list of things we are. The movie “Overcomer” broke them down to a statement that read something like this (may not be exact):

"I am created by God. He designed me, so I am not a mistake. His Son died for me, just so I could be forgiven. He picked me to be his own, so I am chosen. He redeemed me, so I am wanted. He showed me grace, just so I could be saved. He has a future for me because He loves me. So, I don’t wonder anymore, I am a child of God."

Today I was a good mom… I fed my children. I told my children they were loved (the ones I saw today). I told my children about the love of GOD and the righteousness of Jesus. And I made the statement in my mind, “I was a good mom today. I took time to untangle the baby doll’s hair because my child asked me too.” In simple terms… today I was present.

Now just for the record:

• I home birthed 3 of my kids… loved it!

• I had a name brand diaper bag that was my favorite from Eddie Bauer.

• I donated all my denim jumpers, but still love a good denim skirt.

• I love essential oils but only know how to use a few effectively.

• I love to smell fresh baked bread but hate cleaning up my wheat mill.

• I miss those days of nursing a baby, watching a toddler, and homeschooling--hard but wonderful days.

• I still drink kefir in my THM yuck yum (you can google that!)

• I gave the cloth diapers away long before Millie used them.

• I love Big Bows and matching outfits.

• I aspire to be a trim, fit and healthy mama… That is why I eat “Trim Healthy Mama” Style

• One of our kids courted, another one plans too, a few have dated… never say, “We will only…”

• My kids do play various musical instruments… 4 daughters are excellent pianist. One son plays some piano, both big guys have taken different kinds of music lessons… basically only SJ and Little man do not play. SJ, because I pulled her out after she confidently told the piano teacher, “I don’t need to practice, I know everything about piano already!”. With Little Man, I just have not even tried to begin yet.

• I still drive that big white van although I bought a newer one with the paint still in place. I just like my van!

• I am not knocking any of these things. They are all great, just not the recipe to Godliness….

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#ChildhoodCancer

Random grief

 

Dear Friends,

 

This has been a rough week for me emotionally.  The kids have all been home due to the snow and I have loved that…but the kids have all been home without much to do because of the snow.  David has been here a lot this week.  Our driveway was too treacherous to be able to easily get any cars out of until today. This gave us a lot of family time mixed in with trying to get our schoolwork and farm chores done.  Extra movies and game times filled our free time, along with lots of noise when 7 people are all confined to a house for a week.  We ate down a lot of our groceries especially the quick stuff because no one felt like cooking too much.

 

 Today the weather decided to be beautiful and got up close to 50 degrees.  This morning I went out and did our animal chores with at least 5 inches still on the ground and huge icicles hanging from the eves of the house.  Tonight, bare grass and lots of mud are showing through.  Our faithful Oklahoma has returned from its winter vacation mode---back to snowing and then melting off with a 40-degree temperature change in just one days’ time.

 

Today also spurred Katherine into making a lunch of homemade meatballs, mashed potatoes and green beans for herself and a friend.  Thankfully, she cooks large family style so there was plenty left over for the rest of us to eat too.  Then our afternoon was busy doing a lot of nothing.

 

Then this evening I was blessed to get to go on a date with my guy.  We went to our usual steakhouse.  We always enjoy the time together, but not always the service.  We try to be gracious and kind no matter what but boy sometimes the service can be frustrating.  ((This is in our ‘big’ town that is only big enough to have a few options for a sit-down meal.))  Tonight, though each thing I requested came differently than I ordered.  “Water with Lemon” came as plain water.  “Burger with no bun” came on a bun.  “Steamed veggies with extra butter” showed up as rock hard veggies and a bowl of butter next to them.  “Chipotle mayonnaise—we don’t have that do you want regular mayo?” came as no mayo at all.  None of these are big deals and most were edible with the exception of the veggies.  I declined having them remade and decided to bring them home in a box to cook for later.  The worst part was in the middle of this, here came the grief tears.  Those ones that make no sense and show up at the most random times when I am not even thinking about Millie.  The ones that remind me that any extra pressure just overloads my capacity to deal with things.  It is almost embarrassing!  I know why it happens, but to others you see an adult woman crying over her food and then once again as I walked past the little girl clothes at Walmart.  Glancing toward those fun-colored little girl leggings and matching dresses makes this mama’s heart sad to think I will never buy those things again.  Yes we have beautiful granddaughters, and I am sure will have more as the years go by, but to never buy my ‘own’ little girl or rather to never buy Millie those things again can bring that lump to my throat and the tears to my eyes. 

 

Grief is hard guys…  It is random… It is confusing… It is maddening… You can be filled with happiness and still have a grieving heart that starts to cry.  Somedays I find my cheeks wet but have no idea why my tears started flowing.  I hope if you are walking through grief now that you have Jesus to lean on.  If you have not known loss and grief I am so glad.  Take the time to develop a relationship with a Savior that will support you when you do.  Reality is that grief is not a “IF” it is a when…  death is inevitable and often catches us by surprise. 

 

Thanks for checking in on us tonight.  We are looking forward to Sunday, a fresh day, a great time to worship Jesus with our church family, and a family meal with David’s sister and family.  It will be one of rest and relaxation keeping our hearts looking heavenward. 

 

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

 

#MilliesMiracle

 

#Forever3

 

#WithJesus

 

#Neuroblastoma

 

#ChildhoodCancer