Take the Broken Pieces Lord

 Grief

Pain, physical chest pain

Tears

A groaning of the spirit

There are days I carry a burden. Days that I can’t push away the grief for my girl or the fear for my other living children.

Days where my car drives itself to that lonely spot, deep within the southwest corner of the cemetery where her tiny body lays just hidden from my grasp.

I go and I tell myself that I will check on her. Who am I kidding? What is there to check?

She is still dead…

I dust her headstone off, picking up the pieces of a broken butterfly plaque that lay crumbled in the grass.

I talk to her even though her earthly ears no longer hear. I hope she knows how much I wanted to keep her. How my heart longs to hold her little body, to be whole again.

I tell Jesus my heartache. I remind him that this makes no sense here, yet I trust him as I walk through this.

I do! I trust that he will take these broken pieces of my life and use them for good.

I pray over my other children. Through my tears I share my fear that I will lose them.

Physically we are each lost at some point, I know that. But spiritually, my children are at the age that if they don’t make a choice to live for Jesus, they are making a CHOICE to NOT live for him.

That thought terrifies me!

This parenting thing is so hard, so deep, so broken. You spend at least 18 years pouring in everything you know how, then you have to take your hands off and trust that they got something from you.

And if they didn’t? You trust that somewhere Jesus can fill in what you didn’t.

You are reminded that you can’t fix it, you cannot save them. Only He can.

And it drives you to your knees—again!

When you don’t know what to pray and can only sob and groan, the Holy Spirit intercedes for you, interpreting your heartache.

I can’t tell you how many times I have felt so lost in this job that only guttural moaning comes out. I lift them up by name and yet I still don’t know what to ask.

Lord, save them!

Convict them.

Repair our relationships.

Draw them.

Protect each one.

Then I must dry my tears, walk back into the motherhood job, and remember that ultimately my job is to love, teach, model, hope, and then trust.

𝖶𝖾 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖾 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗀𝗋𝗈𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽𝖻𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗁 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗎𝗉 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾. 𝟤𝟥 𝖭𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗈, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗐𝖾 𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗏𝖾𝗌, 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍𝖿𝗋𝗎𝗂𝗍𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗍, 𝗀𝗋𝗈𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗂𝗍 𝖾𝖺𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝖽𝗈𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖽𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗈𝖿 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗂𝖾𝗌. 𝟤𝟦 𝖥𝗈𝗋 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾𝖽. 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗇𝗈 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝖺𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗅. 𝖶𝗁𝗈 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒 𝖺𝗅𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾? 𝟤𝟧 𝖡𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝖿 𝗐𝖾 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝖾 𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗒𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾, 𝗐𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗂𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗂𝗍 𝗉𝖺𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒. 𝟤𝟨 𝖨𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗒, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉𝗌 𝗎𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖾𝖺𝗄𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗌. 𝖶𝖾 𝖽𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝖾 𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗋𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖼𝖾𝖽𝖾𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗎𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝗀𝗋𝗈𝖺𝗇𝗌. 𝟤𝟩 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗌𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗌 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗍, 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖲𝗉𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖼𝖾𝖽𝖾𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖦𝗈𝖽’𝗌 𝗉𝖾𝗈𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝖦𝗈𝖽. 𝟤𝟪 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝖾 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖦𝗈𝖽 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝗂𝗆, 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝗎𝗋𝗉𝗈𝗌𝖾. 𝖱𝗈𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗌 𝟪: 𝟤𝟤-𝟤𝟪

~Because of Millie

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle #ChildhoodCancer #Neuroblastoma #MoreThen4 #Forever3 #WithJesus #AGrievingMama #Childloss #lifeafterloss