Every once in a while it feels like I am living in a dream. As I pass by the photos of Millie on our wall, I reflect on how beautiful she was. I see her little green boots on the shelf. I hug her monkey and run my hand over pink blankie. I stop and wonder if all the memories of the past really reflect how our life was? Was there really a little girl named Millie? How can she truly be gone? I look at her pictures and the days they were taken seem so long ago. Things are fading—memories, smells, and sounds. Yet, in an instant, a flash of recognition will overtake me from a smell, a sight, a sound, or even just a longing for her. Yes, in a single breath it all comes rushing back to the present reality, often bringing tears with it.
The last two years have been brutal on us. It has done so much more to our family than taken our daughter. It has forever changed us—David and I are not the same people we were in May 2019 before we heard that dreaded word ‘Cancer’. It has also changed our children and our parents. It has both strengthened some of our friendships and damaged others. It has rearranged our lives in ways that we never considered. As I shared my heart tonight with a dear friend about how the things I used to think were so hard in life…those devastating problems I had ‘before’ diagnosis do not really seem all that hard now. She wisely pointed out that the things I learned from the other trials in my life, prepared me to walk through the fire of losing Millie.
So, while I can say I would never want this set of circumstances in my life—no, I would rather have my baby safely in my arms. I can also see how the trial of loss makes us stronger. It forces us to rely on God. It causes us to stick together more than ever before. It gives us a pinpoint focus on what we want in life. It is spurring us to have hard conversations, to seek tools to change what needs to be different, and to cherish the ordinary in our lives. It convicts us to be more intentional, faithful, and devoted to what we believe. Have we arrived at all of these things you might wonder? Of course not! But as God whispers to our hearts, it causes us to lean a little closer and listen a little longer. We both WANT to personally know the heart of God and be in his will for our lives. We WANT a dynamic marriage. We would love nothing more than for our children and grandchildren to love Jesus. We want to hear him say, ‘Well done my good and faithful servant.’ As said in Matt.25:23.
Can good things come from intense sorrow? I have to say, yes they can if your eyes lift to Jesus. It does not make loss easier, but it makes it survivable. Only in Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, is that possible.
𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐉𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡; 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬, 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝. –Hebrews 12:2
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
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