The Littlest Things

 

I missed it! 

 

Things happened in my life, little things, but I missed seeing them.

 

I guess I noticed them on that day and gave a brief acknowledgement, maybe a “Wahoo!” or “Good Job!”

 

But then the wonder was gone.  The excitement moved into the hum drum of daily life, and I neglected to soak in the little stuff.

 

What was that little stuff you might question?  It was all the everyday little things that make up an abundant life.

 

A baby cutting a first tooth, taking their first steps, sleeping through the night.   I have somehow gotten through those milestones with 9 different children and yet without pictures to prove it, I barely remember.

 

Birthday parties, learning to ride a bike with no training wheels, teaching another one to read, yes we have gotten those checked off also.  I remember a few exciting parties I have put on that were exhausting, but usually our birthday celebrations are simple.

 

Children swimming in the horse trough, soaring on the backyard swing, and hiking across the field are all things we have enjoyed, yet I don’t have very many conscious memories of those activities.

 

Learning to cook, sew, and clean were all necessary things on my list to teach the kids, yet somehow they are almost grown, and the lessons faded into rarely completed tasks.

 

Homeschooling for 27 years, rocking children for 31, and diapering bottoms for 28 years straight filled my days {and nights!} and yet it passed in a heartbeat.

 

I was always moving forward, looking for the next milestone and somedays I believe I forgot register the current ones. 

 

Losing Millie before she hit very many milestones has made me keenly aware of just how much I missed.  She cut her baby teeth, but never pulled any of them for the tooth fairy.  She was born bald, grew wild blond curls, but died with a smooth bald head.  She learned to walk, to run, to play, but that time with her is over.  She never enjoyed swimming actually crying in the water. She only road a tricycle while the big kids raced around on bikes. She still wore diapers even though she knew how to go potty.  Her milestones are completed, the dash between her birthday and her death day has been lived. 

 

Now I sit here wondering how I missed absorbing all the life we lived before she passed and how to grab hold of all the life we will continue to live as we move forward.  It’s a daily struggle to live in the present, not always yearning for the past.  To cling to Millie’s memory, yet to move on and keep living.  I want to cherish each moment I still have with my remaining children just as I did before death stole one away.  To be able to reclaim the vision and directions as I complete this parenting journey. To choose to live when it would be easier to give up and give in.

 

Grieving is hard, living after grief might be harder.

 

~Because of Millie~

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

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