Reflections from a Mother’s Heart

 

Do all grieving mothers feel their loss the same?

 

I know each grief journey is individual, but also very similar.

 

Each mother I know would each tell you that losing her child is the hardest thing she has ever gone through.  Some would describe it as their very heart being ripped from their chest.  Others as a suffocating feeling that leaves you in a constant panic.  Still others compare it to living with amputation that might heal, but never ever be the same.

 

So, do all grieving mothers go through the same steps of grief but maybe in different orders?

 

Do we each gather every photo, video, and item we can find that connects us to our child?

 

Are we all inclined to write our feelings down?  Some sharing it with the world, while other mamas write letters directly to their child.

 

Do we each look for things that remind us of our child during our day?  I know many parents believe their children sends them signs.  While I don’t personally think Millie sends me signs, there are things that will bring her to mind.  Anytime I see a beautiful butterfly, my thoughts go to my girl.  If the evening sky is brilliant orange and pink, I am thinking of Millie and her markers—the orange one was her favorite! Yes many things turn my thought back to my girl.

 

Do we each feel the same emotions of disbelief, horror, sadness, and even anger? 

 

Is every grieving mother plagued with the question of WHY did this happen to my child?  Why us Lord? 

 

Do we battle with the thoughts that cause us to second guess the decisions we made?

 

Are we inclined to question everything we know in life?  To see if the truth lines up with our beliefs of our lives before we experienced childloss?

 

Does this devastating loss make a mother bitter or grateful?  Do both emotions wage a battle to dominate at any given time?

 

Can losing a child also cause us to feel a heightened sense of making every moment count?  One of clinging to those we have left in hopes to never miss out again on time with a loved one.

 

Does this hurt become the very thing that opens our eyes, make us more compassionate towards other, and fill us with shame where we have cast judgement ‘before we knew’?

 

Can losing our child make us seek Jesus in a very real and personal way, desperate to know deeper truth?

 

At what point in this journey do we believe that life can still be good, though never the same again?

All these thoughts run through my mind as I think about my life:

~Before I knew

~Now I know

 

Some of these struggles I have passed through…for the first time.  I know grief has a way of circling back and forcing you to walk that path repeatedly, gaining a little more insight with each step.  A few of these heartaches I have yet to battle, but often wonder when they will show up?  Certain doubts, fears, and emotions plague me more during triggering situations.  No matter where I stand in my grief journey, three things stand out to me: one my girl is never forgotten, two I am never alone--Jesus will never leave or forsake me, and three if I only reach out there will be another grieving mother close by to gain strength and comradery with.  She knows// I know// together we get it. 

 

 

~Because of Millie~

 

Blessings sweet friends…

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#MoreThen4

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#AgrievingMama

#LifeafterLoss