If I spend my time looking at Millie’s photos
it feels like she is still close by.
Smiling over her funny expressions,
remembering her various foods of choice, and hearing her little voice all
brings such joy to me.
Yet there are days I can’t look very long. I
don’t want to turn away but when I look my stomach starts to hurt. The painful
reminder that she is gone—permanently gone is too much to bear.
My brain just goes over and over the question
of ‘how can this be real?’ Why is my baby not here with us?
It is almost like watching an old home movie
of someone else’s life. You see all the excitement, the smiles, the events but
you can’t feel any of it. Those days are past, and they get farther away with
every passing moment. It makes me so sad to think of all the memories we will
never make with her. Sibling weddings she will miss, the birth of nieces and
nephews that will not know her other than through our words.
More than anything though I just miss my
little girl. The one who sat in my lap, patted my face, and asked me to rock
her. The one who loved to tease and joke with her big brothers. The sassy
little miss who danced and sang with her sisters. Even the one who threw
tantrums and occasionally bit her siblings when they made her mad. Each of
those memories reminds me of a life lived…of Millie being here with us.
It's a life I miss living
A huge gaping hole in our family
With no way to ever repair the break
Grief leaves such an emptiness in the place
where love once lived in the flesh.
Now that same love has to live in the mind,
the memories, and in eternity.
~Because of Millie~
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle
#ChildhoodCancer
#Neuroblastoma
#MoreThen4
#Childloss
#Forever3
#WithJesus
#WhileWeAreWaiting
#AgrievingMama
#LifeafterLoss
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