Did you cry today when the first snowflakes fell?
Were you happy to see winter finally make its’ appearance?
Maybe you were relieved that it didn’t stick, and the roads remained passable?
I had very mixed feelings seeing that falling snow. My heart was filled with such grief while tears began falling as quickly as the snowflakes.
Tears that reminded me that Millie only got to play in the snow once…
ONE SINGLE TIME
And it was on the top of a hospital. She never got the opportunity to throw snowballs at her brother. Her clothes never got soaked and we didn’t hang her wet gloves over the vent to dry. She didn’t come in and beg for hot chocolate cooled down with milk.
No, instead I called the hospital at the beginning of the snowstorm and begged her daddy to take her out to the snow. I told him if they would not let her out to please go get a tub of snow to bring to her room…just please let her play in the snow. He assured me he would try.
I was so relieved a few hours later when my phone received a picture of my girl on the rooftop playground, standing in the snow. She and daddy made footprints all over the playground. The smile on her face made it worth the risk of taking her out in the cold during cancer treatments.
It was February of 2020 and we still hoped and prayed that Millie would be healed, but my mama heart silently said, “This will be her only chance to play in the snow. Don’t waste it!”
As a grieving parent you never quite know what will bring the tears. Some situations I know ahead of time that I will cry. Play a movie about a dying child, a song about heaven, or tell me a story of loss and you will see my eyes fill up with tears… that’s okay! I expect it of myself and so should you. Grief is simply my love for Millie spilling out of my heart and running down my cheeks.
Other situations will take us both by surprise. Changing a baby’s diaper, talking about a medical procedure, seeing a snowflake, hearing “Baby Shark” are all random things that have attached to my memories of my girl. Each are part of hundreds of triggers that tie my heart to Millie.
Today was one of those days—The snowflakes and tears fell together.
I wonder if it snows in heaven?
Blessings sweet friends…
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
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