Grief is real and raw…
Grief is fragments and shatters…
Grief is painful and breathtaking…
Grief is also normal…
Grief is an everyday walk…
Grief is for the rest of our lives…
Grief is part of us…
Oddly enough, even though I KNOW it in every part of my being that each of those statements are true of grief, I still forget.
Somedays I still wake up expecting to feel different or a little better. I still find myself thinking parts of life might become more normal again. Then reality reminds me that isn’t possible. My grief has gotten ‘gentler’ but never lessens. It has more common and less of a surprise, but it is always my constant companion. I know better now what will trigger the tears. I understand what will cause the ache to bubble up. I expect the pain…
This morning I was thinking about each of our family members and listing them in my head. I was assigning words to them as I prayed over them. But I kept coming up empty… My heart kept saying you have forgotten one. Now I don’t mean forgotten like they never existed, rather like I had simply overlooked someone. I kept running down the list, then realized the gaping hole was simply where Millie should have stood.
A few weeks ago, the same thing happened at dinner time. Daddy called us all to pray, we gathered around in a circle. Our grown sons where here, our daughter in law, some of the grandkids, and all five kids that live here, plus David and me. That made 12 of us total…more than we had with all 9 of our own children AND more than we ever had living in the house at one time. Yet the hole in the room was enormous. We stood as if waiting for the last person to join us. We looked around expectantly, then tears silently filled our hearts and a few leaked out our eyes to realize that anticipation was for Millie. I don’t know if many of the children felt the emptiness, but I know Daddy and I plus one older one did. How did one tiny little girl fill such a huge place in our home and hearts?
Who holds the place in your memory this Christmas?
Whose chair is empty around your table?
Who did you pick up a gift for and then quickly drop it realizing that they were no longer with you?
May God bring you comfort this Christmas season. Pour your heartache out to him. Scripture says:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Here on earth, we are grieving our loss of those we love. God is also grieving the loss of those he loves. As his creation, he mourns for us when we turn away from him. When we don’t pursue a relationship with him. When we accuse him of being unloving, unkind, or unjust. The parallels of our grief as parents and our heavenly father’s grief are tremendous. He understands our hearts intimately. We are made in his image. I pray you seek him this season.
Be like the 3 Kings who followed the star…
Follow him to the ends of the earth to find the truth…
To know Jesus is to love him.
{{Baby Millie was laid in the manger 5 years ago on Christmas to represent the Christ child}}
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☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
☆｡･:*:･ﾟ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
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