I awoke this morning with a heavy pit in my stomach. I envisioned standing at the edge of a deep canyon… bigger than the Grand Canyon, with my toes hanging over the edge. A sense of trepidation, a feeling of anticipation of the things to come hung over me like a cold morning midst. It was uncomfortable and seemed to be the foreboding of my emotions for today.
As I stand at this deep abyss, I can not see the bottom. It looks dark, cold, and overwhelming. My heart fears slipping in. It makes me want to grab ahold of anything to avoid going there. A tree branch, a root, even clawing at the rocks and dirt to keep my head above the ledge. As I look down into this inky nothing, I realize it is my grief. As I struggle not to let myself sink into it, to not drown in sorrow. I keep trudging through each new day. My eyes fill with tears as I think about missing Millie. My stomach churns considering how the day will unfold. Will I be able to function or will I fall apart? Will I lose my patience and my temper as I try to keep my irritations in check? Will I cry at the spilled milk, sour attitudes, and the ruined dreams that I encounter? Will my life reflect the grief that I am staring in the face or will it reflect the only hope I have left?
Psalm 33:20-22
20 We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone.
The song “IN CHRIST ALONE” points my heart back to Christ. He is the only way to make sense from a dark and dismal moment standing at the edge of despair and beckons me back to his glorious promises. It is a warm and gentle breeze drawing me from the edge, turning my face to the green fields filled with LIFE. Beautiful butterflies, colorful flowers, and springtime all remind me that life is still here to be lived. Children and grandchildren, joys with my beloved, and the calm assurance that when it is my time to join Millie it will be because CHRIST has fulfilled his purpose. Not the blackness of sorrow, but the bright and shining celebration of a life well lived.
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
God’s word tells us that we will have troubles. Some will be so big, so deep, so overwhelming, but we cannot stay there. We have to shake free. He overcame this world! So did Millie! “Sin’s curse has lost it’s grip". She is now in a place of no sin, no sorrow, no pain. The glorious day we all see the return of Christ!
John 16:33
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
As I share my heart so often raw and so very real, I asks that you pray for our family every day. Both the dark days and the shining ones. We do not grieve as those who have no hope. We know Jesus wins in the end. Our life is but a breath until we are together again.
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