A blessing of Joy from five years ago
Announcing Millie Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
Wednesday, July 21, 2021
Tuesday, July 20, 2021
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐃𝐮𝐜𝐤
I saw a yellow duck today,
thrown aside in child’s play.
I saw it as I crossed the yard,
emotions rose so fast and hard.
It was the duck of a little girl,
whose head was filled with golden curls.
It used to float within her bath,
but was long forgotten in the aftermath.
No longer needed her duck stayed behind,
she went to heaven, and he slipped my mind.
I saw her yellow duck today,
no longer used for child’s play.
Little man took the basket of bathtub toys outside to the wading pool. He left it lying on the patio and as I passed by that duck caught my eye. I remember where that duck came from. I can picture the duck’s sweet owner as she was given a small toy that brought her great joy. It had been so long since I have given her a bath in the tub. When her cancer diagnosis came, tub baths were out of the question. From June 2019 on, every bath was given in our kitchen sink where the water was kept to just a few inches and her Broviac could be protected.
This is the face of grief. These are the moments that flood the mind with joy, sorrow, longing, and regret.
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
Monday, July 19, 2021
~Feelings and Emotions~
~Feelings and Emotions~
There are so many opportunities in life to commit to. I get so excited for the prospect of getting involved, forging relationships, being intentional, and making a difference. I also know my limitations, both physical but especially emotionally. I run out of energy fast. As soon as I am exhausted, out comes the tears. It’s so much harder to modulate my feelings when I am tired.
Many people believe that feelings should be freely shared. While feelings are indicators of truth, but they can also deceive you at the same time. We shouldn’t let them run unchecked or they will run us. Think back to every childhood princess movie that teaches us to “Follow your heart!” Scripture teaches us that “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9.
If allowed, our heart will lead us astray. It will cause us to justify actions that we know are wrong. It will make us believe that sin is okay as long as it doesn’t hurt others—but it always does.
When I am tired it is easy to battle feelings of being overwhelmed, unloved, or even easily angered. I have to take time to rest and renew myself. I have to dive into God’s word. I have to seek scriptural truth and then cling to it. I don’t have to understand it all, but I do have to trust that God does know every detail.
When I am discouraged or fearful, I have to remember that time and time again Jesus has proved faithful and trustworthy to us, even in our darkest hour. He was our comforter and sustainer every single day of Millie’s illness. Each day since, he continues to bring us comfort. He walks beside us bearing the burden of pain and loss. Only he can mend our aching heart. The scars are always present but he can make them into a beautiful testimony of himself. Only he can make all things new. As we move towards that point, we also have to guide our children there. It has been said that children are resilient and they are, but they also get easily confused about reality and make believe.
Little Man came into my room late telling me he couldn’t sleep because he was thinking about Millie. I got the chance to rock him as we talked and remembered. He told me, “Millie only lived 3 years mom. This year on her birthday she would be 5. Do you think her bones will still grow in her grave even though she died?” Always we come back to how much does he truly understand about death? He understands the pain first hand. He understands and trusts that her spirit is in heaven, but he still wrestles with the physical part of dying. We talked about how she no longer needed that body, that Jesus would give her a new one someday. We discussed what spirits look like and whether they resembled the body they came from. His take on it was ‘yes they do, they are just perfect with no scars’.
He asked if her medical Broviac was left on her body when she died. He also assured me she didn’t need it in heaven. He asked why the doctors don’t reuse them for other patients—that led us to talking about one use medical supplies like needles and bandaids.
We finished with dreaming what your spirit could do in heaven.
Be a bull rider? We just went to a rodeo.
Tame lions? There would be no fear.
We decided that while you could do those things, the thrill was probably lost because we don’t think you could get hurt in heaven.
All these late night conversations are so important to normalizing death. They help him to think about concrete things and remember that his sister LIVES, just not here. They give him a picture of what is to come someday. They thrill his heart when he considers what will be the first thing he will say to her in heaven. He said, “I don’t think I will say anything. I will just give her a huge hug”. I told him she would say, “Hello Woofie! and then be ready to play dogs with him”. The smile on his face was priceless.
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
Thursday, July 15, 2021
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗚𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗚𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘀
~ A Worship Song
~ A Familiar Smell
~ A Routine Drive
~ A Funny Saying
~ A Silly Toy
You would be surprised how often grief is found in the simple, mundane areas of life. These triggers are often unexpected and different for each person. A regular morning commute can leave daddy crying in an instant when he hears a song about heaven. Laundry day often leaves me with an pounding wave of loss when I smell ‘her scent’ near our dryer. Seeing a pink haired troll doll on my walk through the store today made me think of Millie. I never even liked trolls, but she LOVED all the singing and dancing. I think she watched it on repeat for months. Any time I drive through the city near the hospital it is as if my van drives itself there. I have to remind myself not to exit any longer.
A while back my sweet husband told me to please share his part of the story. He does not really have time to write his thoughts and feelings, but they are no less than mine. His heart aches as he wakes each morning. Many days when I open my eyes, he is there just looking at her picture and missing his Millie. In spite of his faithful love and care of her, he too holds many regrets of things he would have loved to have done differently. In his car he has her picture on his dashboard so he can see her precious face and remember all their memories together.
Many times, as grieving parents we start out in a normal conversation, only to be a few sentences in when the tears start to fall. I have been so grateful for the love and compassion shown to me as tears trickle down my cheeks. I choose to embrace those tears. I refuse to be embarrassed by them. I refuse to act like nothing is wrong. I say her name often and refuse to forget my girl. Instead, I choose to decide how to best use my pain to bless others. Knowing that I understand allows other parents to reach out to me for comfort. I cannot fix their hearts, but I can offer that same compassion offered to me. I cannot change the circumstances of the past, but I can encourage them to use their remaining years seeking Christ. I can cry with them. I can offer hope that there will be JOY again in spite of the pain.
So, as I walk through life and those grief moments come up, know I will embrace them. I will tell you about a little girl named Millie. I will tell you how she smelled of baby powder, loved pink haired trolls, and would say “OH YEAH OH YEAH” as she danced around. As I worship my Jesus with tears streaming down my face, you will know that it is because my heart is filled with gratitude that I got to be her mama. As you see me squeeze her daddy’s hand and whisper into his ear, you will know I am reminding him it is okay to be real, to share our hearts transparently with other. As you wonder, “How do David and Courtney do this? How could I do this if it was me? How could anybody live through burying a child?” remember it is because we lean heavily on our faith and trust our Father in Heaven. We have no doubt that a day is coming that we will be reunited with Millie in heaven.
“𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀, 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵, 𝘀𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲.
𝟭𝟰 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻, 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝗛𝗶𝗺.
𝟭𝟱 𝗕𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗿𝗱, 𝘄𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝘆 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽.
𝟭𝟲 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗛𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱, 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗼𝗱, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗲.
𝟭𝟳 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁, 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗿. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗿𝗱.
𝟭𝟴 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀.”
~𝟭 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝟰:𝟭𝟯-𝟭𝟴
This passage reminds us not to grieve like all is lost. We will see believers and children who did not reach the age of accountability again IF we are believers. The day will come when the Lord will return. Every single person will acknowledge him on that day, even those that refuse to acknowledge him now. However, just because they acknowledge him on the day of judgement does not mean everyone will be his child. He will sift the redeemed from the unrepentant. He will judge us and without the blood of Christ covering our transgressions we will measure short. Trusting in Christ as your savior is the only sufficient payment for what is owed.
Verse 18 reminds us to encourage each other with these words. Are they confusing to you? Do you know Christ? Not about him, but know him personally? If not, I would love to talk to you about him. Message me… I do not know it all, but I am always willing to point you in the right direction.
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
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