What I Have Learned

 I have learned a few things this week. I have confirmed a few more ideas. I have been decisive and productive. I am challenging myself to recognize things and respond accordingly. That is a whole lot of positives to focus on. It has been good to keep my mind busy and my hands busier!

Over the last year I have dreaded that day that it has been a whole year since I had been with Millie. I knew that when the gate of heaven firmly shut with Millie in the presence of Jesus, it would leave me in the physical world with a part of my heart missing. I expected day 365 to be rough.

My bereaved mom’s group that I am a part of provides me with so much support. They just understand first hand and are filled with wisdom. They had warned me that day 364 is actually the worst. The anticipation of her heaven day would make our grief intensify. By the time the next morning arrived we knew we could survive. Day 365 it came, we remembered, and it went. Nothing is different; Millie’s still in heaven. I am still going through each day trying to live with purpose. We survived!

I have been working at our church until I am exhausted. We have sorted, purged, organized and cleaned most of the building. We had to be firmly decisive about what to keep and what to donate.

I also led the study for our ladies group this afternoon. We are currently reading “Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free.” We studied Chapter 2. It was so good! Tomorrow we will start the same book in our Wednesday night church ladies class. I again will be leading that class but we will be reading ch 1. There is so much GOOD to see if we can recognize truths versus the lies that plague each of us.

In other family news:

Maggie got her drivers license this week.

Abby has started cheer camp preparing for a Saturday morning performance at out local Peach Festival in town.

We are still replacing the destroyed items from the lightening strike. I was so grateful to get a new dishwasher.

Today, one year ago, is the day last we laid eyes on Millie’s physical body and laid her to rest. That feels like it was yesterday and yet a lifetime. I am glad we were busy this afternoon.

Exhaustion has set in. It’s time for rest.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

The Gift of JOY

I was given a great gift this week. A gift so precious and so beautiful that I cannot keep it hidden.

It is the gift of JOY!

Thursday was Millie’s heaven day and I asked that you share special memories of her life. Each one is so cherished! Recounting the way she said things that stand out in my mind so clearly that I can almost audibly hear her speaking.

The sweet memories that I had forgotten. If but for a brief moment in time, I was with my baby again.

On Friday two special gifts showed up. A beautiful floral arrangement sent by other grieving parents to to strengthen our hearts as we walk this journey none wants.

The second a hand painted watercolor of a tiny girl chasing butterflies in a field. Exactly how I imagine Millie. Although it came with no name, I have a huge sneaking suspicion that this person loved and cared for Millie since birth. I also appreciate the many cards, calls, and texts. Your love of us and Jesus shone through in the way you reached out to us this week.

This week was tough. Thank you for loving on our tattered and bleeding hearts.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

Finding that 'Stuff'

 We are now halfway through our summer break at the Mount House. I am not sure where I have spent the first half of the summer, but it has not been used very efficiently. Rather we have spent way too many days in the car driving from appointment to appointment. We have lost our routine for the kids, we are eating mainly junk food, and our house is a mess. Now before my friends pipe up and argue about the house not being a mess, realize that a mess for me is an overstuffed organized chaos.

I had great goals for this summer. I planned to sort each room out, taking loads of items to the thrift store, selling the rest. I had hoped to become closer to a minimalist mom! My brain works best with peace and calm, not cluttered chaos. However, one thing I did not plan on was coming up against ‘that stuff’. You might not know what that stuff is, but I can assure you that any parent of loss has it in their home. It is:

• Toys that Millie had not quite grown into using yet.

• Books that Little Man is finished with, and I will never get to read to Millie.

• A tiny pink bike that was saved from SJ for the day Millie would ride it.

• Her little ladybug floatie that sits in the shed.

• Hair bows that we never used on her because by the time her hair was long enough, cancer had made her bald.

• All of my Kindergarten and 1st grade homeschool books that I have no one to save them for.

Right after Millie died I got rid of all the preschool supplies that I had bought for her. I gave her clothes, furniture, and car seat away to our different people. I saved the items that have meaning in my memories. I saved the things that I could use with my grandchildren like her bibs, tippy cup, highchair, and pack-n-play. But now as I find more items that I do not need to save for Millie and I have no one else coming up behind her, I am at a loss once again. The tears of grief well up in my eyes if only for a moment. It is hard to see who we are as a family without Millie in the baby spot.

I believe we base our identity on who we associate with. I often introduce myself as “David’s wife” or “a mama to 9 kids” but when your place in life changes it can leave you a little lost. Truly the only identity that does not change is my identity in Christ. Once I am a child of his, I am forever his. I may lose everything here on earth, but I cannot lose him.

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐝. -𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝟐𝟎:𝟕

As you determine what you are trusting in… wealth, family, status, citizenship, health, or any number of other things you identify with, you need to decide if you truly trust in the only unchangeable in life.

𝐉𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫. - 𝐇𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝟏𝟑:𝟖

“𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐈, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝, 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞; 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐎 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐛, 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐝.” -𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝟑:𝟔

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#ChildhoodCancer

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

The Last Day of the First Year

Today is the last day of the year. Not the last day of the physical year 2021, but the last day of the first year without Millie. Day 364 without her. Both a lifetime and a breath.

David took off this week so we could be together. We have made sure to stay busy with projects both at home and in our church building. We have both worked to the point of sore joints and exhaustion. It’s good for the hands and mind to stay busy.

We had lunch, shopped, and dreamed together for our anniversary. One of Millie’s long time prayer partners came to Oklahoma...and to our home to visit. I so enjoyed getting to hug her neck. She painted us a beautiful Angel painting to remind us of Millie. We went to Millie’s grave and placed fresh flowers on it as we talked about our sweet girl’s life. Thank you Cari and Randy!

Wednesday, July 7 has arrived... the day we were warned would be one of the hardest as we anticipate tomorrow arriving. Already sleep has alluded me early into this day. On this day a year ago, I brushed Millie’s teeth for the last time. I carried her to bed...my bed to snuggle with me. I had talked her into resting on the couch that day. I did many “lasts” as we held our breath wondering...’when’?

Today will be another full day, starting with an early morning ortho appointment for a braces repair. David has a list of things calling his name around our house too.

I have seen many miracles arrive this last year and I still believe in God’s faithfulness. I am still watching for today’s to arrive.

Missing Millie ~ Forever and Always.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

After 31 Years

Happy Anniversary to the guy who chose me to be his bride so very long ago...

so very long ago.

Thirty-one years has gone in a breath. Sometimes I still feel like a teen until my bones start to creak and I see that grey streak in my hair. You, on the other hand, become more distinguished with each passing year and your ever greying beard.

As handsome as you are, what thrills my heart is to have watched the man you have grown to be. First, that you love Jesus. You are faithful and devoted. You love your children and grandchildren. You are a super hard worker and a blessing to all who meet you.

Your love language is acts of service and you love others by serving them. Thank you!

I love you David! I am glad you are mine

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser