We are now halfway through our summer break at the Mount House. I am not sure where I have spent the first half of the summer, but it has not been used very efficiently. Rather we have spent way too many days in the car driving from appointment to appointment. We have lost our routine for the kids, we are eating mainly junk food, and our house is a mess. Now before my friends pipe up and argue about the house not being a mess, realize that a mess for me is an overstuffed organized chaos.
I had great goals for this summer. I planned to sort each room out, taking loads of items to the thrift store, selling the rest. I had hoped to become closer to a minimalist mom! My brain works best with peace and calm, not cluttered chaos. However, one thing I did not plan on was coming up against ‘that stuff’. You might not know what that stuff is, but I can assure you that any parent of loss has it in their home. It is:
• Toys that Millie had not quite grown into using yet.
• Books that Little Man is finished with, and I will never get to read to Millie.
• A tiny pink bike that was saved from SJ for the day Millie would ride it.
• Her little ladybug floatie that sits in the shed.
• Hair bows that we never used on her because by the time her hair was long enough, cancer had made her bald.
• All of my Kindergarten and 1st grade homeschool books that I have no one to save them for.
Right after Millie died I got rid of all the preschool supplies that I had bought for her. I gave her clothes, furniture, and car seat away to our different people. I saved the items that have meaning in my memories. I saved the things that I could use with my grandchildren like her bibs, tippy cup, highchair, and pack-n-play. But now as I find more items that I do not need to save for Millie and I have no one else coming up behind her, I am at a loss once again. The tears of grief well up in my eyes if only for a moment. It is hard to see who we are as a family without Millie in the baby spot.
I believe we base our identity on who we associate with. I often introduce myself as “David’s wife” or “a mama to 9 kids” but when your place in life changes it can leave you a little lost. Truly the only identity that does not change is my identity in Christ. Once I am a child of his, I am forever his. I may lose everything here on earth, but I cannot lose him.
𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐝. -𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝟐𝟎:𝟕
As you determine what you are trusting in… wealth, family, status, citizenship, health, or any number of other things you identify with, you need to decide if you truly trust in the only unchangeable in life.
𝐉𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫. - 𝐇𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐬 𝟏𝟑:𝟖
“𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐈, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝, 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞; 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐎 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐛, 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐝.” -𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝟑:𝟔
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
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