I unknowingly stepped on a landmine today. I naively entered a war without realizing what
was lurking just around the corner. What
seemed to be an ordinary event, a simple everyday task, was instead a battle
zone. The ambush that followed was
carried out quickly, landing a direct and completely unexpected blow. It left me feeling unsure, casting quick glances
all around, wondering how to engage and run away all at the same time. My
forever trusted companion and accomplice felt the same.
Our family went to buy paint at the hardware store today. David and I took our Little Man and SJ with
us. As we entered the paint aisle, we
spied a beautiful little bald head up in front of us. Immediately David and I felt that sickening
feeling that another child would know the misery and trauma that Millie
did. My mind started racing, wondering
if she had cancer or another illness that causes baldness. I took many quick glances to see if a Broviac
was near her neckline, but I could not see one.
That is not uncommon as so many kids get ports under the skin instead of
the external hanging Broviac. Little Man and SJ started making comments under
their breath, “mom do you think she has cancer?” “Look at that girl mom!” As any polite parent does, I reminded them we
don’t stare and could talk later about their thoughts.
Even though I too wanted to be polite, my eyes were continually drawn
back to that sweet bald head. I went to
war with myself, wondering if I should introduce myself or allow the family to
have some privacy. Finally, as the child
walked away with another family member, I approached who I assumed was the
mother and simply asked her if she knew what The Jimmy Everest Center (JEC)
was. She was polite and said she was not
aware of it. I went on to explain that
it was the cancer center where my daughter received treatment. Next I asked her if her daughter had cancer? She said, “No gratefully she has Alopecia” (a
condition where all of your hair falls out.) I then showed her a quick picture of Millie
and thanked her for letting me be nosy.
As soon as she answered “no” to my cancer question, the uneasiness
resolved. I felt I could breathe
again. I was filled with joy for the
little girl not having to fight like my little girl had to fight. David and I
both stood with such relief and gratefulness that a little girl we didn’t know did
not have to walk through the fire of cancer.
To some people it might seem horrible that I would accost a complete
stranger in a store, intrude into her personal business, then share my pain
with her. Maybe it was! That was the reason for the warring in my
spirit of ‘should I bother her?’ or ‘should I turn away?’. However, my heartfelt reason for approaching
her is that I feel called to walk beside other hurting people. I want to be a
hope bearer to anyone I can. I wanted to
share that if her daughter had cancer (knowing she would be treated at the same
hospital) we have a mom’s support group, started while Millie was sick, solely
to support other mamas as they walk through the fire of cancer treatments. The mamas in that group have become my tribe
of support for anything cancer related.
Now granted I am transitioning out because we are Lord Willing done with
that part of our life forever, but the friends I have made will be forever
friends as I continue to cheer their children on to a long healthy life.
The next group I have become well acquainted with is the ‘Bereaved
Moms’ who have lost children to cancer. These moms understand all the hurts,
the trauma, the ‘behind the mask’ emotions that come up each day. They have
each laid a child down in death and they each look to the day they will see
them again in heaven. The sweet fellowship that I share with other moms whose
children have been treated at JEC and who have walked the path that we are
walking is so very necessary to surviving my loss of Millie. If you are a mom
who has laid a child down in death, I would HIGHLY suggest that search out a
local group of parents who understand.
The support is so needed as you navigate this tough road. If you are a
local mama, message me and I will share the info for our group. I pray the Lord allows me to be a burden
bearer, a hope sharer, and a lighter giver in all I do.
“𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘆𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗳𝗶𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘄 𝗼𝗳 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁.” 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝟲:𝟮
Blessings sweet friends…
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
I still believe in Millie’s Miracle
｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵
#MilliesMiracle
#ChildhoodCancer
#Neuroblastoma
#Childloss
#Forever3
#WithJesus
#WhileWeAreWaiting
#Anotherdaycloser
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