To carry a burden

 The dictionary defines burden in the verb form simply as a ‘heavy load’.

burden
verb
1. load heavily.

That burden can be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Many different things can cause a burden to be upon you. Getting rid of a burden can vary greatly in difficulty. If it is a physical burden, you simply need to cast it off or lay it down. If it is an emotional burden, you can resolve it through counselling or at least learn techniques to deal with it. However, if the burden is spiritual, it can be Jesus calling you into a relationship with him. If you are already a Christian, he may be burdening your conscience about changes you need to make in your walk.

The Lord Jesus doesn’t want us burdened. In Matthew 11:28 he tells us:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Today he was calling out to specifically to me...”Come” My heart has been burdened all day. It was the first day of school. We tried to do ‘Back to school’ pictures, but lets be realistic, they are usually a hurried mama snapping at her children to just SMILE quickly so we can move on. If I’m wrong on that and there are those of you who make the first day of school a relaxed, happy time, then please give me grace. I’m trying to be real and honest here. The kids wouldn’t smile, I couldn’t get the camera to focus, Little Man wouldn’t listen to instructions AND he kept wanting to wear his black church socks with his sandals…BOYS! By about 8:30, I was rethinking my dedication to homeschooling, just kidding…or maybe not(!) Honestly, I’m glad my dedication doesn’t come from my ‘feelings’, but rather from my convictions.

After a quick breakfast, we started school. Our fun new bible program wouldn’t work…oh yeah, that online program starts Aug 31 instead. Why? I have no idea! Next, I couldn’t find the book I was looking for, but I did find all the fantastic, memory filled read-aloud books from my other kindergarteners. It made me sad. I don’t want to get rid of them, but I won’t have another child in Kindergarten that I know of. It was another reminder that Millie isn’t here. Where there are three school chairs, only two are filled. Where there is picture books, there aren’t many here that want to listen to those anymore.

After completing our work for the day, I gave Little Man and SJ construction paper and stickers. They both chose to make cards for me. SJ stopped frequently during the day to just hug me. We read a grief book together and all talked about Millie. They understand how much this hurts and have so much compassion to our family.

We did a few other things, reading a new chapter book about a Golden Stallion. They loved it and begged for more chapters to be read. Then after lunch, I rewarded them with watching “The Pilgrims Progress” movie that I bought yesterday. During that time, I laid in my bed and wept. As I poured out my heart to the Lord and my tears soaked my pillow, the verse about him bearing our burdens came to my mind. My prayer was “Lord I can’t carry this burden today. Please let me rest and ease my aching heart. I just miss my sweet girl so much.” I miss her quirky faces, her telling me she loves me, even her telling me “I forgive you mom” every time she got into trouble. She wasn’t always joyful, but she filled my heart with JOY and still does every time I think of her. That is how…why…I can be grateful. Her life spent with me was a blessing!

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
~Psalm 73:26

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
~Psalm 4:8

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
~Isaiah 40:29-31

We can TRUST God to restore and renew us. I know my strength comes from him.