Tonight’s post has a lot of raw emotion. It is filled with grief, tears, and heartache. It has a lump in our throat and a pit in our stomach. It has been the day that grief showed up multiple times, places, and ways. Today was one month since Mille ran to Jesus.
When Millie left, SJ and Little Man expressed sorrow that they had no pictures or videos of her. The hospital gave them each a wooden bookmark with her picture, hand print, and her name. They cherish them. Many nights I find the kids in bed looking at it before they go to sleep. Many nights they ask for us to show them a “Millie video” once more before bed. It warms my heart that they love her so much and want to continually walk close to pain so they can remember her.
Today I airdropped all my videos from my phone to our iPad so the kids can look at them any time they want. That led to each one sitting and looking through them. By the time they and then I was done, we were pretty emotional. Our beautiful precious Millie is so missed. From her fuzzy head, to her sweet pudgy hand holding mine. Her skin was so soft. Her head so bald with that sweet little red ‘stork kiss’ on the back of her head. Her little ring finger on her right hand that had a brown freckle on it. Her funny laugh, sense of humor, and love for her farm. Watching her play with her brothers and sisters…silly, rowdy, goofy, and joyful. She was a very determined girl, always knowing what she didn’t want, but not always what she did. We talked of so many memories. SJ asked if I thought we would all die from our grief. Daddy and I assured her we didn’t think that would happen but that we understood it could feel that way sometimes. We hold each other and we cry together.
We did grieve but we don’t stay in our grief. We smile through our tears. We find our JOY. We choose to get up and go on.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
These verses bring comfort, but the third one is such a deep thought. The underlined part (by me) speaks about how as a Christian our grief is different. Our grief is not a lost hopelessness. We know we will see our loved one again in heaven because of JESUS. Praise the LORD!
Praises:
💕Miss K is our up and coming photographer. She has been running her business for over a year and has had the opportunity to shoot some pretty fun things lately. Its always exciting to see your kids reaching for their dreams and achieving them. All the kids are trying new things lately. Cheer, private school, starting businesses, traveling for work, and so much more. It does give me JOY to watch them.
Prayers:
🔹Today was rough. It reveals how much grief is inside. Pray for each of us that we may use this as a stepping stone toward something good, not a miry pit to wallow and drown in.
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