Protecting Truth and Innocence

 𝙍𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣, 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

When we are in charge of teaching children, there are so many factors to consider. How do we teach the about ‘real life’ and still keep their lives simple, even carefree? How do we avoid planting fears in them, yet teach them safety issues? How can we give them the facts, yet in a way that is not emotional or stressful? Raising children is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure!!

There are teaching methods that thrive on allowing children to learn about the world yet scaled down to their size and through self-initiation. There are other schools of thought that bring children into our world, working alongside of their parents. (This would be the one I lean towards, parent led learning). Obviously, I am referring more to schooling methods, but what about in other areas of life? Are we talking with our children and guiding their thoughts? If we are not, who is then? Their friends, media, teachers, nobody??

Our children face situations every single day that need insight from a safe adult. Some that come to mind are in the area of human maturity and reproduction, birth, death, and spiritual beliefs. So how do we prepare children for the ‘coming of age’ or puberty talks? What about the sex talk? Or where babies come from? How do we prepare them for death? How do we walk through life teaching our little people in a safe and truthful way? It seems many people are too embarrassed to explain much, although I do see this changing with the younger generations. I think they have been exposed to it in the media so much that they are much freer with their words.

For our own children we talk pretty freely during individual conversations. We do try to use proper terms yet still observe modesty rules. I want them to have the facts they need at an APPROPRIATE age, but I do not want to wait too long and let someone else beat me to the talk. I often think to this quote from Corrie Ten Boom:

“𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝, "𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐬𝐢𝐧?" 𝐇𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐀𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐮𝐩, 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫. 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞?" 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝. 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲," 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝. 𝐘𝐞𝐬," 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝, "𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝. 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐭. 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.”

― 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐦, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐦

I appreciate that Corrie’s father understood that children sometimes need scaled down answers and less information. They trust us and we must be diligent to share with them when the information is needed. Little Man often gives me insight where I have not shared enough or might need to give more detail. He has such innocent questions that come to his mind daily. Many of them are hard topics and I would rather skip over them. Some I can give simple answers, but some need that in depth talk where I can carefully give information with words that do not cause fear but do share facts. We had another talk today that reminded me that I needed to go into more detail without emotion. He needed solid facts about death, not tears.

As we were driving back from town he ask me, “Mom does Millie’s casket have a lock on it?” I answered him that I was not sure if it locked shut or not. I went on to explain that they placed it inside a plastic vault to protect the casket before they buried it. His next innocent question was, “Could we open it and see Millie again?” I was surprised a little because I thought he knew more about what that would be like. I calmly explained, “No son, our bodies came from dust when God formed us. Once we die we start to decay and return to dust”. I hoped that was a solid answer with out a grotesque one. I want him to remember his vibrant, fun sister ALIVE. I want him to see her in his mind’s eye in heaven very much ALIVE. I do not want him picturing death… I have said it before “Human minds can not understand death because God never intended for us to deal with it. His plan was a perfect and eternal life--before sin”.

This is not the first time he had mentioned going to the cemetery to get her. A few days after her graveside service he asked me to take him back to see her. Then a few more days later, he asked if we could dig her up. Now here 10 months later, his little mind is still processing death and what that physically looks like. He sees the heartache, pain, and loss but he still cannot envision what it looks like. What a hard talk to have with your child and still be able to keep your own emotions level. This is another point where I get to lay aside my ‘grieving mom’ role for a few minutes and instead focus on my ‘teaching mom’ role of guiding my little ones. They need to know they can safely ask ANY questions and mom will do her best to give a truthful answer.

You might wonder if I hide my tears from them very often? No, there are appropriate times to be sad with the children. Times that do not require knowledge, just memories. We will watch her videos and cry together. We will hold her monkey, talk of her life and let the tears fall. Those are not teaching moments rather those are grieving moments shared between a family that loved Millie. I could never keep every tear hidden, nor would I want to! I want my children to know how loved and missed Millie is. I want them to know I love each of them just as much. I want them to know that grief is an emotion we all will face and there is no shame in allowing others to see it. Finally, I want them to know that grief does not replace my faith in Jesus. It strengthens it…it gives me a deeper need to lean on the Lord for daily strength. It reminds me of what is truly important and where to put my priorities during the remaining days of my life. Love God, Love People!

30 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒕𝒉.’ 31 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔: ‘𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒃𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇.’ 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆.” ---𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒌 12:30-31

***In case you are wondering, I researched it and yes caskets do have a type of locking mechanism that makes them airtight. The article I read said the funeral director has a key they discreetly use to secure the lid***

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

Rock your baby...cause babies don't keep.

“𝗗𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 ’𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 b𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝘄𝗲’𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄.

𝗦𝗼 𝗴𝗼 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗯𝘄𝗲𝗯𝘀, 𝗱𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗼 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽.

𝗜’𝗺 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽.”

Sometimes babies do not grow up, but the time of rocking our babies still ends. I wonder if Millie were here tonight if she would ask me to rock her still? Would I be impatient and want her to head off to bed? Would I rush to do all the thing that moms do in that final push to get the day put to bed? Would I cherish every moment? If I knew how her life would end, the answer would be a resounding YES! “You mean I would only get 3.5 years? Of course, I would cherish every moment” but if I did not know, would I make the right choices? A better question is, “Do I make the right choices? Do I say YES when it does not matter? Do I save my NO’s for the big stuff?”

We know all too well that my time rocking Millie has come to an end… My time as a mama has not though. My prayer is that I can be the mom to these remaining children that I would love to be for Millie. I want to be a mama who PRAYS for my children. I want to look them in the eye and listen, really listen to them. I want them to know I have their back in the tough times. I want to rejoice with them and be fiercely loyal when they need an ally. I want to be their biggest supporter, as well as their honest critic.

A year ago tonight, I was rocking my baby. We smiled and took selfies together. She cuddled under her pink blankie and probably asked me if she could sleep in my lap. The next 50 days are filled with many reminders of… where I was on this day last year… of what has changed in my life… of where my heart is… of my precious girl Millie… of the impact her life and leaving caused.

~𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐚... 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦... 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥... 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒏

 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑮𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒏

Each day of our grief is walked out with the acknowledgement that we must continue to live life even after our girl has ran to heaven before us. As adults we hurt, we ache, we cry, but we somewhat understand how this goes. We can tell ourselves truth that our minds can embrace, even if our hearts scream against it. These truths can sound a lot like:

• “She’s no longer in pain.”

• “We are grateful for the time we had her in our lives.”

• “We know she is in heaven.”

Each one of those are true. Each one is a comfort, yet with each one our hearts can still say… “But God, I wanted you to heal her here. Three years was not long enough. We are so glad she is with you, but we sure wish she were here with us.”

These are all the daily thoughts and conversations I have with the Lord. I also have daily conversations with our other children. I try not to share to much of their grief struggle unless I ask them first. Each trial is so personal, every feeling is different. We all need time to process it in our own way. For me that is journaling and sharing my heart but for others in my life it is a silent battle. David has given me permission to share his struggles with losing Millie, but overall, the only child I share about is Little Man. I do this for two reasons. 1) He probably will not remember much of this and I want him to be able to look back on his journey. I want him to always remember how he loved and missed his sister. 2) He gives the perfect look into the innocent way a child struggles with grief. His thoughts, actions, and pure heart are so freely shared. He does not feel the need to hide his feelings like some of the other children. He will tell you plainly when he hurts.

Our lunch today was filled with some hard conversations. I was cooking when Little Man brought up something dangerous (I cannot remember what?) but I responded, “You could die from that. I don’t want any of my children to die.” He calmly reminds me (as if I ever forget!), “One of your children already died mom.” My reply was, “Yes and I don’t want any of the other ones too.” He was thoughtful for a few minutes then in a matter-of-fact tone said, “I wish Millie had died at the hospital.” When I asked why, he said he just did not like having to watch it. I explained if she had died in the hospital, he would have missed the last three weeks of her life with tea parties, fishing trips, and cuddling together. He said, “No, I would not have wanted to miss that. I wish she had gone back after that stuff.” Again, I tried to explain in language a 7-year-old understands that to go back at the point of death is traumatic. Ambulances, paramedics (who cannot save you but have to try), and lots of chaos was not how we wanted Millie’s last moments to be. We wanted her passing to be peaceful and it was from an adult’s perspective, but from a child’s perspective it was scary.

This conversation got me thinking about decisions we are forced to make, especially during the end of life. Often they are not going to be the ‘right’ ones no matter what we choose. We could do what was best for Millie, us, or the other children, but it probably would not be the right decision for us all simultaneously. We allowed two children to be gone from the home during her death, per their request. One regrets that we did not require them to stay home. The other is glad they did not have to sit and wait for that dreaded moment. Another older ‘child’ told me they did not want to be here when it happened, but they were and sat through her last moments with her. We did not ask Little Man and SJ if they wanted to be here, we never considered them going away. For David and me we were so grateful we were together when she passed. I cannot imagine missing that moment. We were with her the moment she entered this world and the moment she entered heaven—just as I think all parents would want to be.

Lest you think we stay sitting in the sadness… no, we do not. Just as a child can easily turn off a tantrum, they can also easily redirect their thoughts to other things. He next told me he knew how much Millie loved him and how much she loved when he played ‘wolfie’. His version of acting like a dog. She would call him, pet him, and play with him like her pet dog. He believes she really though he was a dog…kids are funny! He smiles big at those memories and all traces of sadness leave for now. He is so grateful that he had a baby sister named Millie and he will talk about her forever I am sure!

Like him, we are so grateful for all the ways Millie touched and changed our family… She was a blessing packed up in a little fireball. Just thinking of her makes my heart and face smile!

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

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