Planning a funeral

 I am up late, watching the reruns of the local news. Oddly enough the funeral homes seem to use this time to advertise their products and services. I wonder if their advertising really pays off. We all die true enough, but do people choose what funeral home to use because they saw them on television? This is an interesting thought.

From what we have walked through death is such a personal thing. How we remember our loved ones and how we choose to commemorate their lives is so very individual. Being a funeral director is just one of many hard jobs that touched our lives the last two years. Another difficult jobs would be the Doctor that must give the ‘bad news’ whether it be “Your child has cancer” or “I’m sorry it looks like she will die”. Then include the nurses that daily took care of Millie yet could not change the details of her diagnosis. Each of these people had a major impact on our lives walking through our deepest valley of grief beside us.

You might wonder how we chose who would be in charge of Millie’s final preparations? That story was 23 years and multiple friends in the making. Long ago, a dear friend of mine had 4 precious children with the youngest little girl being just two months younger than our second born son. When her baby turned 3 months old, she tragically passed away from SIDS. During the baby’s funeral service, our (single) Children’s Director from our church helped the (single) funeral director take care of the dressing the baby for the burial. Our Children’s director had once commented that she would never marry unless God walked him in the door of the church—he did, and they were married sometime afterwards.

Fast forward a few years to my grandfather passing away, when we arrived at the funeral home the same director now worked for this home. Needing his services has found him doing both my grandmothers, a friend, my uncle, and many more funerals. This is not a small town with only one director, instead this is a director that truly cares for you like family.

When we understood that Millie would not live and that we needed to make plans—we called our longtime friend, the funeral director. Spanning 24 years, his job has changed some. He no longer does funerals himself, instead he serves as the director of multiple homes across the state. Even so, he still came to help us plan Millie’s funeral. When he arrived at the house that night, she wanted Mama to hold her. That is the most surreal feeling to plan your child’s funeral while holding that living child in your lap. We worked and planned with the thought that everything needed to point toward the goodness of God, even in the hard times. Every song, scripture, photo, and thought were all to convey that we trusted Jesus to walk through this valley with us.

His wife, my friend, came and took Millie’s special items and used each one to decorate her service like a beautiful party for a tiny little girl. It was in many ways her BIRTHDAY celebration—the day she was born into heaven. Her Heaven Day as I now call it. So many precious friends turned out to help make the day calm and peaceful, beautiful even in the sorrow, celebratory even in the grief. For a funeral it turned out as good as I could have hoped. All due to the many behind the scenes workers who tirelessly work to pull it together. Hand in hand our homeschool group and our church family made a delicious meal for the family to gather before the service. The hands and feet of Christ ministered to us in ways we could never imagine.

I often pause beside Millie’s large photos that were displayed during the service, raise my hand to her almost life-size face and say, “ah Millie girl, your mama sure does miss you!” It is still so hard to wrap my head around all the holes left in our life when Millie went to heaven. We still have love, but it is stretched all the way to heaven. We still have our faith, which has solidified with trusting in Christ in a much more personal way. We still have a vision and a purpose but now it is to minister to others that are hurting. Millie leaving changed us, it showed us we can live through the hard times…we can make it through with Jesus.

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

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Please just WAIT!

 Our mailbox at our farm sits a short walk down our gravel driveway.  Not long enough to be considered exercise, but far enough that you cannot clearly hear someone shout from the house.  I stepped outside in the cool morning air, breathing in the beauty of another spring day.  I had a handful of letters to put into the box, planning to lift the signal flag for our mailman to retrieve the mail.  As I came down the driveway and stepped into the gravel I distinctly heard in my memory, “Wait!”  What a power packed word!  I remember hearing little feet running down the ramp from the porch chasing behind me and yelling, “Wait!” all the while being bare foot on the rough cement.  I turned around and called back, “Go get your boots then come out.”  But I did not wait.  On many different occasions I did not wait.  Millie would go inside, quickly retrieve her little green boots--sometimes placing them on the wrong feet, and head out to catch up to me.  Sometimes she would cry in frustration that I had not waited…  I wonder now what in my life was so important, so hurried, that I could not have waited to take that little hand in mine and walk slowly down the driveway together? 

Now I am waiting…I wait every day to see Millie again.  That is pretty ironic, that I had to learn the essence of  WAIT through these circumstances.  

𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕: 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒚, 𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉, 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔, 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒅𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈:

Often when I pray I am asking God for resolution to a problem.  I am praying for hearts to be softened and turn to him.  I am praying for protection over my children.  I am praying for strengthening of relationships.  I am praying for direction in my life, our family, and our ministry.  In all of that I expect God to answer. I don’t think to pray for him to allow me to wait, although I know should pray he helps me wait patiently.  I know that in his timing he will resolve the problems, give the direction, and refine our lives to be more like him, but sometimes his timing does not seem to be what I would choose.  I am sure if you are a prayer warrior you understand exactly what I mean.  

The biggest thing waiting accomplishes is allowing me to exercise my faith…my trust…that God can handle it.  I need to rest knowing that he has a plan, one that I may not see, but understanding he is in control.  Does that mean his plan was for Millie to die?  No, I don’t believe it was.  He wanted us to LIVE abundantly, but once sin entered the world that abundant life would only come in our heavenly home. Can he still have a plan?  A plan for good for my life?  Yes he can!  He can use all my pain, all my tears, all the time I am waiting for his glory and for his kingdom IF I can trust that he has it handled.   

𝗣𝘀𝗮𝗹𝗺𝘀 𝟭𝟯𝟬:𝟱 “𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗟𝗢𝗥𝗗, 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹 𝗱𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲.”

𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐬 𝟐𝟕:𝟏𝟒 "𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃: 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭: 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐲, 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃."

𝗣𝘀𝗮𝗹𝗺𝘀 𝟮𝟱 – “(𝟰)𝗦𝗵𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀, 𝗢 𝗟𝗢𝗥𝗗; 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘀.(𝟱)𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲: 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻; 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆.”

𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐬 𝟒𝟎 - "(𝟏) 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃; 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐫𝐲. (𝟐) 𝐇𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐭, 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. (𝟑) 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐆𝐨𝐝: 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐢𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃."

𝗝𝗼𝗯 𝟭𝟰:𝟭𝟰 - "𝗜𝗳 𝗮 𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗶𝗲, 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻? 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁, 𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲."

Today my prayer was Lord open my eyes to where I need to wait…

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer

#WhileWeAreWaiting

#Anotherdaycloser

Beads of Courage

~Picture from the Beads of Courage FB page post July 19, 2021~

Beads of Courage are given every time a child endures a procedure. Imagine all the beads Millie would have received for her treatment. Sadly we never got a chance to start collecting them.

At least 10 CT-scans and MIBG scans.

6-8 ultrasounds of the abdomen

EKG and Echocardiograms

8-10 Audiologists screenings diagnosing mild to moderate loss

16 rounds of chemo

9 rounds of Immunotherapy

Months of DFMO Research study

A Broviac placed (and repaired)

A Gtube placed and night feeds

5 Bilateral Bone Marrow Aspirations

Stem cells harvested and stored

2 PICU stays

2 Liver Biopsies

Around 20 IV’s places

2 Foley Catheters

Close to 65 dressing changes

Lab draws

Stayed in the hospital almost 18 weeks

Had close to 15 blood, platelets, and plasma transfusions.

Beads of Courage needs people to sew bags for the kids to keep their beads in. Anybody sew??

Blessings sweet friends…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I still believe in Millie’s Miracle

｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Hebrews 11:1 ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

︵‿︵‿୨☆୧‿︵‿︵

#MilliesMiracle

#Forever3

#WithJesus

#Neuroblastoma

#Childloss

#ChildhoodCancer